to anonymous:

ok.. heres my very long entry to u.. i dun know u.. coz u nv put ur name up.. but its ok..

its not as though i have nv seeked help b4.. the one i went to wasnt a teacher.. its was a supposedly trained counsellor.. and from tt incident with tt counsellor.. i dun think i can trust pple working in this line.. it may sound kinda sad.. but it is the truth..

professional help..? hm.. nah.. i toked to a psychiatrist when i ended up in hospital.. nah.. juz dun feel good toking to her.. made me feel more depressed..

yeah.. i know its escaping.. but to me.. it isnt escaping.. b coz i dun try to kill myself b coz i've got problems.. problem which i cant solve.. i dunno.. im juz doind it.. to see whether pple would get sad.. whether pple would care.. whether i would make an impact in their lives.. sorry if it sounds sadistic or something.. but tts how i think i feel..

now whenever i think abt suicide.. i get confused.. whenever pple tok abt suicide so openly and vigarously.. i feel like puking.. and my mind would be swarmed with so many bad memories..

ok.. so even if i am escaping.. if i die.. the problem would cease to exist wouldnt they?

maybe u dun even know me.. so y should u even care? i mean.. when i took 14 panadols.. 4 friends.. 4 i considered quite close.. watched me eat one by one.. one of them tried by feebly trying to snatch them out of my hand.. anther juz shook her head and saying tt wad i was doin was stupid.. the other 2 were juz crapping..

then pratically the whole class knew.. it was only later.. a fren told another of my fren to tell a teacher.. tts was like.. 2 hrs later?

there pple out there who care for me.. i mean.. when i leave.. they'll juz forget me after a while.. juz think tt i migrated or smth.. its the same right? hahaz.. and im sure not tt many pple care for me.. i mean.. y shld they? y would they? they would rather care for pple like debbie.. right?

hm.. anything else u wanna say? juz tag me k? i know wadever u said are all true.. but if i really wanna die.. no one can stop me.. so if i die suddenly.. i would like to say sorry to all the pple i would have hurt.. sorry..

even thought sorry doesnt mean much.. but tts the best i can do.. sorry..