suicide.. is a permenent solution.. to a temporary problem..

lol

2005-07-21T21:44:00.000+08:00

i have fantastic news..

i borrowed yc's half blood prince today..

and i finish reading it liao!!!!

and i cant wait for the next f***ing book!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i need it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel like crying now..

I NEED IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sobs like how a drug addict craves for drugs when i cant get it*

hey hey

2005-07-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

hey nicole

hey are some pics my dad took at canada a few mnths back..

*NOTE* thses photos were not taken by a pro with a pro camera.. they were taken by my DAD using some damn slow nikon camera.. but then again.. the mountains dun move.. lol..

the scenery...
i dunno where the fuck it is but its damn chio.. ITS SO COOL!!! imagine how high tt is!! with so many windows!! i bet its some university..
this is the day scene from where my dad stayed.. (duh)
this is the night scene from where my dad stayed..

...

2005-07-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

juz finish watching A.I (for you pple who dunno wad the hell it is.. it stands for Artificial Intelligence)

anyway..

i cried throughout the WHOLE movie..

which makes it at the same ranking as ladder 49.. (in case you dun know wad happen.. read my post from last yr haha..)

its so bloody sad.. its about this robot boy david.. (haley joel osment) who wants to be a real boy lah.. coz he wants his mother to love him... its bloody sad anyhow.. and also got jude law.. (so shuai hahahaha).. so david goes and find the blue fairy.. the fairy who made pinochio a real boy..

so he found 'her' at the bottom of manhattan.. at this old abandoned underwater fairground.. so he prays to her everyday.. and then its like.. 2000 yrs pass.. all human and robots have been wiped out.. now there's some kind of alien thingy living on earth.. and they found david frozen and made him work again..

then they said like they could make his mother come alive but only for a day.. and only if they have something of tt person which contains the DNA.. so this teddy bear (which is so blardy cute coz he keep sewing himself at the most awkard times.. haha) said tt he had david's mother's hair lah

so she comes alove for tt day.. and (obviously) tt day was david's most happiest day.. then when the mom finally says " i love you david.. i have always loved you " i juz cried and cried and cried and cried and cried..

then when the mom died.. david crawled in beside her.. and closed his eyes.. and fell asleep for the first time in his life..

wah lao lor..

wad type of sad story is this???

make me cry until my eyebags became bigger lor.. now my eyesbags are bulging out liao..

...

i wanna know who wrote this story.. damn.. i want his writing skills man..

damn..

*sniff sniff*

...

2005-06-09T19:28:00.000+08:00

went to westmall to watch mrs and mr smith..

after tt moivie..

realised tt reuben lai was sitting 4 seats away from me..

haha..

but i nv go and say hi or wad coz i wasnt sure whether it WAS him..

haha..

omg..

is this a sign???

tt i shld return to choir????

lol

lamo..

...

2005-06-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

anywayz..

today had ss remedial..

but

it started at 0730.. and ended at 0900..

guess wad some genius told me?

some genius told me tt it started at 0900..

so when i went to 4/4 classroom at 0900..

ester leng was like..

hahaha.. we ending liao..

then im like.. wtf?

somemore i asked her face to face yesterday whether it started at 0900.. and she said yeah..

wadever..

so i joined 5/1's session at 0930..

which.. started half an hour late coz..

they were damn noisy and couldnt shuddap..

and they were toking crap..

anyway..

its was ok lah..

no shuai ges one..

haha..

ok lah..

got one..

ahhahahahaha

but dun tell u who!

*sticks out tongue*

...

2005-06-07T19:35:00.000+08:00

haha..
today had debate..

i love debate!!!

haha..

and i like jon too!!

lol..

juz jking..

*wink*

anyway..

today jon asked me whether i was from choir.. and im like yeah..

and then he asked whether i know alison..

and im like yeah..

then he said tt he was taking PJC.. and alison juz joined or smth..

and smth like they were quite close or smth.. lol.. and he was smsing all the time he was toking to me.. haha

wadever..

lol

and come to think abt it now..

which alison???

...

2005-06-07T00:44:00.000+08:00

btw..

when u pple were having choir..

i went to je lib..

and guess who was there..

MR FERDINAND QUEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha.. im not pulling ur leg..

I SAW HIM!!!!!!!!!!

( but he didnt see me..)

hahaha..

how cool is tt??

...

2005-06-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

omg

im so bored!!!

argh..

so bored..

...

im lookin forward to sch reopening..

...

2005-06-02T19:41:00.000+08:00

darn it..

my hands are STILL smelling like onions from bio lab today..

urgh..

shouldnt have been making onion juice out of onions today.. darnit.. and now this stupid keyboard is like on some mode by which if i type smth in the middle of lets say "apple".. its will become like this: "apkle".. a letter would dissappear.. damnit..

ok.. its gone.. juz press on the insert button..

haha

ok.. tt was lame..

anyway..

my hands still smell like onions after like washing with Dettol thrice.. some minty face fash.. a nice smelling antibiotics hand soap.. and lastly.. with Colgate Fresh Mint toothpaste..

AND IT STILL SMELLS LIKE ONIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im gonna die... remind me to wear plastic surgeon gloves next time at bio lab.. i need.. i didnt even wanna wash my face with my hands.. i used a towel today.. bleh..

btw.. the bio lab thingy was like at 1300 - 1500..

so by now it should be gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

argh

wadever.

...

2005-06-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

www.553721.blogspot.com

...

2005-06-01T18:55:00.000+08:00

ok..

i suck..

thot i was a good singer.. heard pple saying tt im a good singer.. guess tts all juz bullshit huh? juz some bullshit to convince me tt i do have a tiny bit of talent.. to comfort me coz my results juz suck..

wad fucking talent..

fuck..

guess i can juz work fucking harder.. yeah.. like now..

watch me get into vjc without ur fucking affrimative action thingy..

i will rise to become one of singapore more prominent conductors..

watch me bring my pri. sch choir from a fucking all-timer bronze to a gold with honours next yr..

watch me do it..

and i'll laugh at ur pathetic faces

...

2005-05-31T16:54:00.000+08:00

haiya..

have to work harder liao..

muz aim for VJC..

even if cannot get in.. muz aim lah..

so going for the audition for tml.. hope can get in.. but if got sightreading.. i die.. coz i cant sight read.. i need to hear the song once first.. then i will remember..

ok..

maybe not juz once.. but a lot of times.. darn it..

haiz..

anyway.. the vp said tt pple who get 30 pts and more will get adopted.. hm.. wonder hu's my adoptive parent.. i still dunno leh.. hmph.. maybe no one wanna take me ... hahaha.. wadever..

hm.. mr chng is very nice.. hahaha.. lol..

...

2005-05-31T16:44:00.000+08:00

ok..

im sorry debz..

...

...

2005-05-25T18:44:00.000+08:00

...

ok

im gonna start complaining again..

... its quite retarded though

anyway..

today.. when choir broke for sectionals..

she asked jl to take sectionals.. ok.. though im trying not to make a big fuss out of ti though i am.. isnt jane THE sl? jl is only th asl lor.. unless she is implying tt jl is more power than jane.. thus jane is not worth being the sl..

its like wah lao lor.. i felt damn pissed.. ok.. its not my problem.. but i feel tt its unfair for jane.. i mean.. muz at least give jane a bit of face.. let jane take the sectionals..

and so wad if the altos tok bad abt jane when she makes a mistake.. wouldnt they do tt to jl too? u are making a very biased comment lor.. its like.. jane is not worse than jl ok.. its juz tt jl and she got SINGING CLASSES.. and we normal pple DONT.. ok????

and after tt.. we learnt this new song lah.. its sounded quite cool lah.. then in the middle.. got a guy and girl rapper.. ...

guess who got the female rapper part?

come on..

guess..

you are so right..

it was her..

again..

FUCK!!!

I WANNA GET TT RAPPING PART!!!!! DAMNIT!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY OF ALL PEOPLE.. HER AGAIN!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

damnit.. life is so bloody unfair..

wah lao.. and i was juz abt starting to like choir again..

and then right before choir end.. vicky loh come to me and ask.. 'wad are you doing here'

like.. wtf.. before syf u make me stay here.. u force me to come for choir.. and now i come for choir.. u ask me wad the fuck im doing here.. JUZ BECAUSE I NV HAND IN YOUR CONSENT FORM FOR SOME FUCKING JULY THE 1ST THINGY????????

now that im of no use to u.. u treat me like shit right??? can lah.. fine.. then i shant care any more.. i shall call you by the nickname created specially for you by your favourite class..

SO THERE ~~VICKY MONSTER~~!!!!!!!!!

*P.S. i gave you face and striked out the name..

...

2005-05-18T17:34:00.000+08:00

well, that was just something i thought of in class when i got back my results.

well, you guessed it. i did really badly..

i flunked all 3 sciences.. as in normal standard of flunking.. not 4/1 standard of flunking..

and..

well

yeah..

i cried a lot today..

now i realised how sucky i am..

but im not gonna sulk for long..

coz im gonna work hard..

im serious..

*clears throat*

I swear that I will study chinese these 2 weeks like nobody's business and earn my rightful A in chinese.. I swear that I wont let my class, myself and my teachers down.

After that, i swear that I will go through EVERYTHING on physics and both maths. I will do the tys like its some secret manual and finsih every qns and ASK pple when i dunno.. forget abt ur fucking ego kathy and pls ASK!!!!

at that same time, i will be doing chem too.. practising so that i will then naturally remember all the chem..

all that in the month of june..

so that I wont have to get into JCs by affirmative action.. i wont get into JCs thru the "pity way" I will get into a GOOD JC with my OWN 2 hands..

and..

pls dont demoralise me during this period of time.. i'm very emotional.. thnx..

I will get into VJC

Watch me.

...

2005-05-18T17:17:00.000+08:00

Do you think that the deaf can hear music too? And that their music is more beautiful and moving then the music we hear because there are no restrictions to their imagination on what music just might be?

Maybe. Possible.

Do you think that the blind can see colour? And that their colours are much more beautiful and lively than the colous we see because there are no restrictions to their belief on what colours just might be?

Maybe. Possible.

Do you think that I can succeed too? And that my success will be more beautiful and inspiring than the successes you see because there are no restrictions to my potential on what my success just might be?

Yes. Possible, because like the blind and the deaf, if you believe in yourself, anything can happen and anything will come true.

Believe in yourself.

...

2005-05-11T21:09:00.000+08:00

juz compained a bit..
and well
yeah
i realised tt i dun even know y im angry..
haha
i feel so stupid..
i mean
if i were to tell it to someone who knows me..
well..
that person would understand y i feel tt way
but i f i tell it to someone who doesnt even know wad the hell is going on
well
tt person wouldnt even know wad the hell im toking abt and y im feeling tt way..
haha
y argh?
lol
but i still feel angry..
damnit..
lol
i feel like i wanna use tt cool lighter that hamidah and haikal (thanku so much) with my nickname carved on it and burn them away..
yeah..
haha
oh yeah.. thanks for all those pple who remembered my b-day and wished me well.. and those who gave me prezzie.. lol.. thank u.. even though now its exam period..
haiz..

...

2005-05-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

...
i wanna say smth really badly now..
but i cant say it here..
coz its really insensitive..
..
i feel like crying now..
and there's no one i can call
coz i rejected them all
when they tried to keep in contact
i brushed them away
with homework as an excuse..
now
i can only say this in code..
ok.. maybe not..
damnit..
i feel like screaming..
and crying all at the same time..
coz i've suddenly lost all hope..
every
single
hope
is now all gone..
i have no motivation no longer..
because i know wad i truly am

i am a pariah
with no talents whatsoever

now leave me alone..
this is the uptmost truth
and nth but the truth

so stop telling me its not
because it is

and dun bullshit to me abt wadever fucking fashion show i did..
coz tt doesnt count in Os..
it doesnt..
and i am not artistic
its juz tt u pple dun know how to see art
and im not fucking creative..
the are pple in our class even more talented..
even more artiscally talented..
go appreciate them
coz they are smarter than me
coz they are better looking than me
i dun care

i really fucking dun care

b coz no matter wadever fucking thing i do
it doesnt count

doesnt it always happen this way to the ugly fat girl?

well
FACE IT

it does.

...

2005-05-05T14:20:00.000+08:00

well

its been mid yr for quite some time.. while actually.. its been midyr for like.. 3 days.. haha.. i actually feel quite ok with all this.. u know? like.. i mean.. i sort of studied.. so.. not tt bad.. evne though i did almost die at todays lit..

lit..

and i think i did quite well for ss.. lol.. i bet i'll fail CH liao..

haha..

anyway

sre said tt i seem happier these days.. hm.. maybe..

maybe be coz i have less things to care abt.. its juz study study study.. its starting to become a routine.. and i love myself for tt..

omg..

did i juz say i love myself?

well yeah.. i can finally proudly say tt i do love myself for actually even trying to study.. and actually.. for once.. understand wad my classmates are gibbering abt bio..

wait..

doesnt tt mean..

*gasp

IM ONE OF THEM!!!!

haha.. wadever.. i mean.. they are the ones getting into cool JCs right? might as well be like them lah..

haha.. i feel so free these days.. dunno why.. muz be the exams.. lol..

havent been here for so long.. and so much has happened.. well.. now tt i finally changed my password.. i dunno wad else to say here.. oh yeah.. i play habbohotel sg.. my nick is slack-.. so pple playing habbohotel sg.. add me yeah? haha lol..

haiz..

i really dunno wad else to say.. hm.. well.. maybe wad i can say is.. i found tt a lot fo pple in my class is changing.. cliques are changing.. more politics are involved.. though much lesser than politics of choir.. but yeah.. class politics are coming in.. pple are becoming unhappy with the pple they usually hang or have hung out for like the past few yrs..

wads happening?

has tt person changed? or have u changed? think abt it.. im not insulting pple or wad.. im juz voicing out my thoughts.. i dunno..

hm.. after Os.. im gonna make sure our class chaleh will be the best of all.. with major bonding.. (but wads the use liao? we all leaving liao..) hm..

well.. this entry seems long.. but wad the hell.. i'll juz make it longer.. haha

so many class romances.. its so cool.. haha.. but i cant say.. lol.. its like.. got some its so totally unexpected lor.. lol.. hahahaahahaah.. i can write a book after the Os abt them liao lor.. haha..

haiz..

so many things to do after Os.. so many things I wanna do..

haha

anyway.. i better get back to studying.. ciaoz pple..

and if u're reading this.. u should be studying.. tsk tsk

lol

hey hey

2005-04-10T09:53:00.000+08:00

a lot of things have happened these few days..

firstly.. i wanna tok abt a fellow artist.. i guess i didnt know him very well lah.. but i thot he was a very nice guy.. u know.. then yeah. his art damn good and stuff.. u know? anyway.. recently.. he designed his class t lah.. and its damn nice.. then at sports day.. i was carrying the banner with renuka and brandon.. then he walk past with his class guys.. then his hair all spike up and stuff.. and when he walked past me.. guess wad he said..

crazy

even though it wasnt loud or anyting.. he whispered it when he walked past me.. and juz said..

crazy..

tt hurt me a lot.. i mean.. i actually cared abt him taking art and everything thing.. i lend him some bird pictures (b coz he was planning on doing on birds).. well.. i guess..

pple change huh?

...

2005-03-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

my bro is now arnd 16 mnths old now.. then its like.. he likes to hit pple on sight.. haha
very cute right?
then its like..
he likes to hit pple..
did i say tt juz now?
yeah
i did..
:D
well.. thats juz him..
julie taught him tt..
haha

...

2005-03-15T16:10:00.000+08:00

kathy
adj. loud.
"What do you think of that girl, Billie?" "She's kathy!"

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slang

...

2005-03-15T16:01:00.000+08:00

there.. there's nth wrong with my blog any more.. *grins*

hm..

2005-03-15T15:50:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna go choir tml or on thursday.. i mean.. tml is until 4pm.. *grouchy*

wah lao.. wads the use of practice if everyone w\makes the smae old mistakes again and again.. and the same old pple dun wanna open their mouths bigger to sing louder?... i think its a total waste of time if the choir is still so big.. coz the same old pple who arent singing will pull us down.. they are not contributing to the sound but to the mistakes tt we are going to have with them around.. i mean.. with such a big choir.. im sure tt they expect a fuller richer and biger sound right? but wont it be more impressive if a smaller choir produced the exact same sound and richness and volume as us?

b coz we can BE the smaller choir..

and i dun see the point of going for orientation.. i mean.. i go also wads the point.. im not needed there lor.. and i duncare abt the sec 1s.. they're juz a bunch of sec 1s whom i wont be seeing for much longer.. wads the point tell me.. wads the point???

i can juz use tt time to catch up with my studies.. so i wont get a 30+ for my L1R5..

hmph..

CHOIR SUX!!!

no no no..

i mean SINGING ROX but the CHOIR PPLE (apart ffrom the pple i KNOW) SUX!!!

...

2005-03-15T15:10:00.000+08:00

hm.. smth is wrong with my blog.. but wad the heck..

anyway.. yester.. 4/1's class outing to sentosa was a blast! this is the most successful class outing tt i've ever been to.. and im proud to say tt i was the co-organiser.. hahaz.. brandon was the organizer..

anyway.. 25 pple came.. out of a class of 4/1.. tts more than half!

hahaz.. anyway.. this is wad happened lah.. we play volleyball.. then went swimming then played 'water polo'.. then kel vin got my volley ball stuck up a tree.. then they throw their slippers up lah.. then slipper also kena stuck in the tree.. its was quite funny lah.. except tt the ball was mine.. and it was quite ex lah.. so i was like screaming at kel vin.. in the end.. cheng jie climbed up tt palm tree and got down my ball.. but his chest and throat kena sratched until got blood.. (i think)

anyway.. after tt went to have lunch.. kel vin preetpal and me went to eat lunch at delifrance.. the tuna was very salty.. bleh..

after.. i went kayaking.. it was really fun considering tt i didnt go for the level camp and didnt get to go canoeing.. hahaz.. now my arms ache like shit.. hahaz..

after tt.. the 2nd batch went kayaking while my batch of pple went back tot he pelawang (is tt how u spell it?) beachto take care of our belongings.. then we played monkey in the middle in the water.. hahaz.. got a lot of things which happened there.. :D

after tt.. mel and me went to bathe.. then very long queue.. after tt.. hanged arnd at our area there.. then played soccer in the dark.. then went to eat at sake sushi.. i ate gyu don.. i think.. its was very nice.. with the wasabi and stuff.. mmmmm....

after tt played truth and truth.. hahaz.. then we learnt new astonishing information abt our pple's loves life.. hahaz.. too bad for pple who werent there.. *smiles innocently*

on the whole.. it was a gr8 success.. bradon and i are thinking of the next one.. in june.. see u pple at sentosa again!

...

2005-03-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

ADAM KHOO WORKSHOP

i was brainwashed.. i proudly announce tt i WAS brainwashed.. but i didnt cry when the instructors were crapping.. i was looking at the celing forcing myself not to cry.. if i could do it again.. i would cry.. cry and show tt i care..

these 2 nights.. i havent seen my sisters, brother and mom.. and i actually believed wadever ramesh told us.. i really did.. i really felt motivated..

and guess wad.. i reach home today.. and the first thing i ever did to my mum in these 3 days was to argue..

and wadever i had learnt from ramesh and all the other instructors.. i gave it back to them.. i didnt want to get 9A1s.. i wanna fail juz to spite her.. i dun wanna do ANYTHING successful again..

lemme tell u.. i see her.. then i juz felt so dArn angry with her.. tt she was the one who made me subconciously made me believe tt i was fat and stupid and wouldnt make it far in life.. she always said tt i was this fat pig.. that i would grow up to be a cleaner..

time to come.. i do think tt i am fat.. which i am.. i really am.. damnit.. im in TAF.. how embarrassing is tt? my NAPHA has nv not been a gold.. always near full marks.. who is to decide whether i should be in TAF.. FUCK..

u know wad? if i did tok on stage.. i would say i love u to both parents but im sorry to my dad.. y? the plain reason tt i still remember wad my mum did..

my mum used to be very strict with me.. then there was this once.. i got a 87 for a test or smth.. then she angry grab my hair and then juz repeatedly smash my mouth into the wall beside.. my lip got cut lah.. got blood everywhere.. and u expect me to say sorry to her for all those stuff.. tt woman who cant control her anger and vents its on me?? no way.. dream on..

oh yes.. i HAVE returned everything i have back to them.. i dun wanna do anything now.. i dun wanna go to university anymore.. i dun wanna be anyone anymore.. hooray.. my sub conscious mind heard tt.. im dead meat.. i wont succeed in life..

so stop telling me otherwise..

...

2005-03-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

guess wad...

my mom has contact lenses!!!!!!!

damnit..

and she was saying tt contact lenses were not good and stuff...

then she go and buy..

wah lao..

...

i want contact lenses too!!!

haiz..

damnit..

...

2005-03-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

ok.. well.. this is smth tt i have been feeling lor..

its abt choir..

anyway.. i feel tt the choir should only be arnd 40 pple like.. at most 50.. coz.. i feel that a lot of pple are not contributing to the sound.. and its like.. they are juz there u know.. not doing much.. and its like.. quite unfair to the pple who are better..

i know im like such a bitch coz i do know tt if tt does happen.. some pple i really like being with wont be there lor.. ( i really AM a bitch implying tt im better.. im so sorry..)

anyway.. i still hold my stand of not wanting to join SYF.. ms kelly lim.. u may that if i enjoy singing but dont want to join SYF.. that i am mocking singing.. u are wrong..

B COZ I AM MOCKING CHOIR..

not singing..

i love singing.. but b coz of wad choir is.. i rather not admit tt i love singing.. i am ashamed that u choir pple say that u too love singing..

b coz loving choir is different from loving singing..

very different..

when u choir pple ask me whether i love choir.. i say no.. and then u gasp and sigh and ask me.. then y did u join choir in the first place.. its b coz.. i love singing..

I LOVE SINGING..

i joined choir b coz its was where (supposedly) pple who love to sing come to together.. pple who want to make beautiful music together.. but.. but i juz dont see it in choir..

b coz i see u pple as pple who juz wanna come to choir for the sake of coming.. or u wee forced to join choir.. or b coz u have frens here and dont care abt the music.. or maybe b coz u dun hafta to stand under the hot sun and tt there's air-con..

damn u..

so stop asking me whether i like CHOIR.. b coz i HATE choir..

I HATE CHOIR

thats y i dun wanna go for SYF.. i really dont..

u may say tt im stupid.. wierd or retarded.. but i dont care.. b coz i juz dont..

...

...

damnit.. im into one of my choir-hating moods again.. ... damn..

anyway.. ms lim.. u lied to me.. you said tt those who werent in syf still had to go for all the practices that syf pple were going to.. ALL..

but on the schedule.. wad do i see? i see that the non-SYF pple only have to go for the sec1 orientation.. while SYF pple have to go for tt and 3 other practices..

i dun wanna go..

i really dun wanna go..

i dun care..

i can get auditioned for all i like..

and i'll sing my worst..

like how i did to mr low.. (but i stupidly gave up in the end)

damnit..

one month to SYF.. and we cant even do the expressions or dynamics well.. one month.. we dont have enough time.. we sound sucky.. ok.. maybe we dont.. but we sound dead.. D-E-A-D.. damnit.. i cant really differenciate bad and good.. so im juz bull-shiting here..

and y wont u let me go? im not a good singer.. there are better singers arnd to sing sorprano.. i mean.. if don have me there wouldnt be a difference in ther volume or sound right? be coz there are pple like debbie and juitlian.. they are like 20 of us put together when they sing together.. so y need us?? or.. y need me?? there are other singers too..

damnit..

and there ARE enuff experienced singers around to pull the choir up in times of trouble.. and lemme tell u pple out there.. i wont be able to do tt.. i mean.. i would be the person pulling pple down.. b coz i cant tell whether someone if sharp or flat.. i mean.. i don have super sonic hearing or perfect pitch.. i mean.. i might pull the choir down..

so y take the risk?

and u pple out there.. stop telling me to go for SYF.. its getting on my nerves.. if i still hafta go.. i'll juz hafta break a leg before SYF and leading to the unfit condition to go.. yeah.. maybe.. or i could get an MC.. nah.. not as dramatic.. haha..

ok.. i should stop blabbering b4 some committee members see this and further more bitch abt me during their committee meetings..

and oh.. if u run out of things to bitch abt.. here another thing to bitch abt me.. um.. there was this once when i skipped choir.. saying tt i was sick.. and then went to help drama.. like clear stuff and help them clean off make up.. and believe me.. i had much more fun doing tt then singing with u.. with u.. choir pple..

SO THERE!

there are things that i want to do, but cant; there are things that i want to say, and can. fuck you.

...

2005-03-04T20:19:00.000+08:00

i think i saw kenny today.. my primary sch kenny.. not kenny phua kenny..

anyway.. i think its him.. i didnt realise tt it might be him until i found him staring at me.. and then its was like.. hm.. looks like kenny.. then he was wearing nan hua sec uni.. so i think should be him lah..

he grow quite tall liao.. somewhat quite cute lah.. hahaz.. but he looked cuter at pri sch..

haha..

anyway.. was thinking of organizing a 6K gathering after Os or smth.. wanna know how they are now..

gotta work hard for Os kathy!! *grin*

...

2005-02-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if u dont know.. that was me screaming..

BECAUSE OUR JUNIOR DEBATE TEAM WON THEIR THEIR EVER FIRST MATCH IN THEIR SECOND GAME!!!!!!!!!

WOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shucks.. i feel like crying again..

im soooo proud of them..

*sob*

well.. it was a good debate against maris stella.. there were really actually a exchange of.. you know.. attacks.. yeah.. attacks..

and prasanthi..

PRASANTHI WON BEST SPEAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU GO !!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.. she was quite good lah.. *grin*

she was like.. saying tt the opponents were making 'irrelevant and stupid examples".. haha.. that was pretty funny.. *grin*

then Sai ( there's a capital letter in this word to show tt its a name.. but the rest of the entry it'll juz be 'sai'.. ) kept jabbing this pen towards the opponents whenever he was like.. interrogating them.. that was funny too.. haha

Jolynn was really good too.. coz she was like really in control of herself.. so cool.. :D:D:D:D:D:D

anyway juz wanted to say tt u peeps were really good.. hahaz.. was so happy to see u all win.. hahaz..

muz work harder for the next one k??? *grin*

WE CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and THANX JONATHAN for guiding us through

and MS KELLY LIM for tahan-ning our bad debating stuff..

and all those who have helped us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*MUACKX!!!!!!*

...

2005-02-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

any way.. today we had our flag day.. which was quite retarded.. my class and the class next door were sent to orchard.. oh by the way.. we were assigned to districts.. so.. it was quite stupid..

anyway.. i did do my job ok.. a lil.. (=..

fast forward to when we return.. ok.. hm.. mine was like quarter filled.. and the school said tt it had to be at least half filled.. if not we had to do this again on another day.. so well.. the quarter filled was mostly my money.. well like.. 98%.. ok.. im a bad person.. hm.. wadever..

so went to the marketplace and realised that the pple there actually go up to u to donate.. u dont have to approch pple.. they go to u.. and tt is so cool.. anway.. got a few more coins here..

well.. they rejected pple with tins they think have less than half.. so. hm.. its a D-O-N-A-T-I-O-N thingy.. wad happened to the morals?? y do they have to force pple to force out money?? ...

...

2005-02-19T21:42:00.001+08:00

last night.. i had a dream.. ok.. it quite a sick one.. but hey..

ok.. at this point of time.. i have to admit to one thing b4 i go on.. im jealous of debbie.. hm.. yeah.. this will help with the understanding of the dream..

ok.. it happened at 4/4.. where 4/1 goes for lit or ss class.. so im sitting at the 1st row last 2 seats.. while sre is sitting infront of me.. debbie is like leanging on the table sre is occupying.. so is like.. sre as usual.. is shouting some crap across to kelvin.. and all this while deb is staring intently at sre.. and then sre stops to kelvin and stares at deb.. and then suddenly but slowy.. (huh?!?!).. they start kissing..

and i?.. ran out of the classroom.. crying.. b coz in tt dream.. i knew tt i had lost sre.. i had lost him as a great fren.. lost him to the choir commitee who s me.. deb had taken away the only person i could rely on in 4/1.. and i was then all alone..

and then.. i saw the aftermath of the situation.. they went stead.. and sre would be having his arm arnd deb and he would be pointing at me and say fat.. haha.. fat.. and then he would start spreading all these mean things abt me.. so eventually.. he would gain popularity and i would be outcasted..

god i am paranoid..

so.. i have decided.. all the pple reading this blog entry be my witnesses.. i hereby decide not to be friends with sreyansh any more.. i do not wana suffer any more emotional breakdowns b coz of him.. i don not want to get hurt be coz of him any more.. i do not wanna worry about him any more..

b coz i cant afford to do so.. i really cant..

so.. i'll confrim to all u pple out there this statement when i send an email to my class declaring i wot be friends with him any more..

b coz im giving him another chance..

P.S. i wont share my project with him any more when he hasnt done his.. like tt maths story thingy.. he didnt do his and so i juz say share with me lah.. and.. it got first.. though it was a solo effort.. tts y i was so proud of it.. (=

...

2005-02-19T21:42:00.000+08:00

i am paranoid and overly possesive..

i suck..

anyway.. i think im having another cold war with sreyansh.. hmph.. i think it started last wednesday.. when the books were on display..

i was looking thru this art book (as usual) then sre was like asking me to faster coz we were going out to eat lunch.. and we were also waiting for dhruv and kel vin.. so basically i was time.. then he whacked me hard on the arm.. coz he usually does tt.. i ginored him.. but he did it again.. harder.. and it was very the pain lor..

so i stopped reading and glared at him.. and usually.. he would laugh ad then say ok ok and stop it.. but this time.. he actually said wad? wad? wanna fight argh?.. and it was his fault lor.. and he did it right in front of the book uncle.. wah lao..

then on thursday.. i was feeling moody.. b coz of a series of things which i do not wish to elaborate.. anyway.. i was feeling quite bad liao.. then sre came along and wanted oe of the metal paper clip which i had straightened out.. when i didnt give it to him.. he offered to pay for him..

after spending 3 yrs with him.. didnt he know tt i wasnt a money person? he actually thot tt i wanted his money.. all b coz of a paper clip.. he oofered 40cents for a paper clip.. wad the hell.. i was so hurt by tt.. he didnt know me.. he didnt..

so naturally i rejected his offer.. then he juz said wahlao and stuff.. then it was like very noisy.. and by straightening out those paper clips i was actually having some quiet time to myself.. trying to sort my thoughts out.. trying to calm myself down and not have a emotioanl breakdown.. and here sre comes and destryoys it.. DESTROYS it..

then i ask him to go away.. and he said not happy argh? i like standing here..

and then.. well.. i started crying..

as in the tears roll down kind of crying.. but it was quite a lot liao lah.. and i was feeling very sad.. and very moody..

no one noticed me crying.. until my partner saw and said kathy crying liao lah.. go away lah..

and do u know wad he said? cry then cry lah.. s always shed crocodile tears..

WAD THE FCUK? SREYANSH DO U KNOW HOW HURTFUL TT COMMENT WAS??? I DONT SHED CROCODILE TEARS.. I AM NOT TT SHALLOW.. DO U KNOW ME WELL ENUFF? no u dont.. u dont at all..

... maybe im over reacting (as always).. but.. u have nv said such things b4.. and it was only recently u've been calling me fat in public.. ok.. i am fat.. but u dun need to annouce it to the whole wide world when we're crossing the world.. its damn embarrassing.. and.. its hurtful too..

and the prob is.. now.. i nv know when u're joking or when u're not..

i nv do..

...

2005-02-15T19:23:00.000+08:00

... my dad blocked a lot of stuff on my com.. damn.. then he blocked msn messenger.. and somehow.. i think my blog has some word tt is blocked coz my blog cant be displayed.. so damn it.. if u pple need to contact me.. email me..

anyway.. today im here juz to announce..

I DONT LIKE COLBY ANY MORE!

damn.. i dun wanna get jealous over and over again every time deb is nice to him and vice versa.. damn.. i know he likes deb.. and the other way round.. (maybe).. so damn.. if deb is involved.. i dont stand a chance..

so i'll stop acting like a despo.. dammit..

I DONT LIKE YOU ANYMORE!!!! AND HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD!!! THNX!!!

2004-12-25T04:44:00.000+08:00

to all the Christians and Catholics out there

im not making fun of God

seriously

even though i sound as i am

im not

believe me

i pray that everyone believe me

Amen

.

2004-12-25T03:33:00.000+08:00

i think God is wonderful

he gave us life

he gave us nature

he gave us knowledge

he gave us individualty

best of all

he gave guys guys with

way-cool aTtituDes

aTtituDe problems

and

get into loads of *censored*

Thank You Lord.

In the name of Jesus Christ

Amen

.

2004-12-25T02:22:00.000+08:00

you know what?

recently, i have had the sudden urge to read the whole bible once through.

so cool right?

Amen

2004-12-25T01:11:00.000+08:00

am thinking of going to the city harvest church near my hse

got a lot of CSS pple go there

may God help me with my decision

convince my mom to let me go

Amen

..

2004-12-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

merry christmas to all of you out there.. hope you're all having a warm christmas and go to sleep with a filled tummy..

to all those people who have faced difficulties in lifes or are facing them now.. keep on fighting..

God is watching over you..

merry x'mas 2004

God bless you

Amen

( sorry to all my readers.. suddenly juz feeling a bit religious and sentimental..)

...

2004-12-12T22:00:00.000+08:00

man.. i really suck..

2004-12-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

seriously.. and i've got a frigging low self esteem..

...

2004-12-12T21:53:00.000+08:00

this is a post which i wrote on the 1st of august this yr.. but didnt post it.. here it is..

"hm.. ok.. lemme tell u all the sick thots i've had since a long time..

i used to have this hamster.. and its like.. sometimes.. when i hold her.. i would have this sick feeling of anting to squeeze her until blood spurted out and her eyes poped out.. until her bones snapped and cracked.. and then i would let go off her.. coz i was scared that i really would do it.. there was this once.. when i really did try.. and then i saw her eyes sort of popping out then i freaked out.. then i put her back into the cage..

there was this period of time when i really wanted to kill someone.. and i had all the steps thot out.. and how i would hide the body.. and cover up my tracks..

sometimes.. i want to drop something which is labelled "poison" on it to a drink of my friends and tyhen see wad would happen to them.. then i thought of how cool it would be to have a close friend of yours who died.. then i would be so sad.. crying.. shocked.. when i knew exactly how tt person died..

tts y i rejected someone who was very close to me.. somone i cared abt.. i shunned tt person away.. fraid tt i would someday do harm to tt person.."

...

2004-12-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

i have no social life..

...

2004-12-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

... amaths test coming.. and out of 10 log Qns.. i can only do 2 Qns.. by which one of them i got the correct answer only after 3 tries.. tt sux.. i suck at amaths.. ... shit.. i'm gonna flunk it.. pls god.. dun flunk my amaths.. pls..

...

2004-12-10T15:54:00.000+08:00

i cut my hair.. 3 days ago.. and it looks like shit.. then my mum practically nagged at the jean yip pple for doing such a bad job on my fringe.. yeah.. my fringe.. I HAVE A FREAKING FRINGE.. coz my mum wanted me to have one..

i look super sucky.. so they told me to come back yesterday..

i did.. and guess wad.. a shuai ge hairstylist was there.. i almost died.. .. its like.. he also had this really cool hairstyle.. like toro's hairstyle.. you know.. the one which is spiked up a bit.. then the hair a bit longer than usual guy hairstyle.. k lah.. i suck at describing hairstlyes.. but it juz look like toro's one. ( i think)

and guess wad he was doing???? HE WAS STARING AT MY UGLY FRINGE..!!!!!!!!! *sobs*

i could have juz died there lor.. ... then later.. the lady came and then was trying to undo the damage.. he kept coming over to look at my hair.. (or maybe he was juz checking whether his hairstyle was still nice or not..)

then he look liao.. then would go away.. (ithink he see my hairstlye.. then wanna laugh.. but cannot laugh in front of me so he move away to laugh..)

then the lady say she'll straighten up my fringe for me.. then she call the guy.. the guy go and put this plastic cape around me and then he applied this paste onto my fringe.. then finish lliao then he walk away..

then they wash off my hair after 10 mins.. then put conditioner on fringe for 10 mins.. then wash off.. then went to dry my hair.. at first is this 'jie jie' who come and dry my hair.. then the guy also join in in drying my hair.. then its like got 2 pple drying my hair lor..

after a while.. the 'jie jie' go liao.. only left him drying my hair.. then he said smth.. i thothe toking to the 'jie jie'.. and i wasnt wearing my specs.. so i couldnt see thru the mirror whether he was toking to me or not.. its was only when he repeated wad he said the second then i realised he was toking to me.. then it like i damn paiseh.. then iwas like going.. 'huh'.. then he repeated the third time.. " is it too hot?' then i like u know.. damn paiseh and said no..

after my hair dry.. the fringe was straighter.. then the lady came back and made my fringe bigger.. then the guy come and look again.. ... wad the hell.. STOP STARING AT MY UGLY FRINGE!!!

he muz have thot tt i was some really uncool person who has absolutely no sense of stlye when i comes to hair.. coz i actually allowed my mum to convince me to cut a frigging fringe which is so out-dated and ugly..

then when finish liao.. i got up.. then i kept pushing my fringe up.. my mum was toking to the hairdresser.. then she turned around.. and pushed my fringe down.. then when she turn around again.. i pushed it up again.. and the shuai ge was looking at me (or my hair) all that time.. dotdotdot..

and i wasnt wearing my specs all the while HE was doing my hair.. ARGH!! I WANT CONTACT LENSES!!!.. (and all the while i was drooling over tt guy.. i completely forgot about CH.. haha.. he defintely has a better hairstlye that CH.. *grins*)

god.. im such a loser when it comes to my love life.. *sighs*..

my greatest day ever..

2004-11-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

today was css open hse.. then its like.. i had to go for choir.. rocket launching and art shop.. so i very busy lor..

ok.. i got really pissed today.. coz.. when i was pumping air into the rocket.. EE CHEONG was making sexual comments about me loudly.. until this parent and kid were like.. squirming.. then after i pump.. somebody wanted to launch it.. so i say ok lor.. then i step aside.. making sure that the parent and kid could see.. then EE CHEONG said to move my fat ass aside so that they could see.. again loud enuff for the parent and kid to hear..

after that.. KY came over and then she ask whether we're launching.. then i said.. Ky.. its better that your guest dont come and watch.. coz EE CHEONG was hurling vulgarities and sexual remarks like no body's business.. then ee cheong come over and asked wad happened.. then i juz look away.. then i continue complaining abt him to KY and he juz denied it lor.. so KY summarised it by confirming with me tt there was no launching lah.. and i said yeah.. then she walked away..

then ee cheong walked over and asked me wad i said to her.. then he guessed that i told her no launching and then he said wah lao.. then he ran after her i think to explaing stuff.. then after tt.. he came back with black face.. and told sre abt it.. then its like.. i dun remember wad happened next.. but wad i did remeber was that i juz walked off from them.. like.. those how lian pple do.. with their noses stuck high up in the sky.. yeah.. smth liddat..

then after.. i was refilled my rocket and then pumped in air into it.. then its like EE CHEONG and SREYANSH.. and some other guy.. they were juz standing in a straight row some feet away from me.. whispering discussions.. and then itslike.. i will pump abit.. then rest a bit. let the air go inside.. then its will take a long time wad.. some more i pumping 37 pumps.. then suddenly.. i heard EE CHEONG say," is she trying to commit suicide?"

so i turned to him.. and even though i was having a cold war with them.. i said.. i heard tt ee cheong.. then he juz hide his face behind sreyansh's back.. then when i launched it.. it flew from one diagonal of the field to the other diagonall.. it was beautiful..

then they guys went crazy and went to get a teacher.. then they found mr chng or somebody.. then its like.. they were like going.. it was successful.. WE did it..

now.. pause one moment.. wad "WE" ?!?! was there ever a "WE" ?!?! its was only "ME".. coz u pple were standing at one corner toking bad abt me.. wondering whether me rocket could fly.. and u told about "WE"?!?

sreyansh.. i dun mind sharing fame with u even if u nv contributed to the thing.. like our maths story.. the one we got first in.. i dun mind staying 2 whole nights pasting every single thing in tt book.. and then only putting ur name there on the cover on the date of submission so that u wont have to do one..

but u didnt care abt my feelings.. and u just assumed that ee cheong was right.. i have always supported wad u have dreamed for.. when u were arguing and even when u were wrong.. i actually helped u in tt arguement.. coz i CARE.. ok?

then after that.. i dun remember wad happened after tt.. but i do remember.. tt when i went to pick up my rocket.. and u guys had already finished pumping and were waiting for me to get out of the way.. when suddenly.. sreyansh made this action by which is the result if the rocket were to hit u in the rocket.. with loud 'ahhh' sounds and then u laughed..

the first thing that came to my mind was that.. u were demonstrating wad was happen to me if u all were to launch the rocket..

and the thing that i wanna know now is.. WAS IT REALLY THAT WAY?? PLEASE TELL ME THATS ITS NOT TRUE.. PLS..

after that.. i juz mentally broke down.. i juz wanted to hide away.. and cry and drown myself in my tears.. iwanted to go home.. so i went up to choir.. and said.. i wanted to go home.. and that if i didnt go home soon.. i would kill someone.. (and that someone would have been sreyansh.. or ee cheong..)

eventually they did let me go.. and then i look for vithya.. i cried out to her.. and basically calmed down near the drama room..

after that.. i helped the drama pple wash the paint out of their hair and necks.. and even though im not part of them.. i feel a certain sense of trust between them and warmth.. something i have not felt in choir.. its like.. they are all there b coz they have a certain common love.. DRAMA.. and its this common love which brings these different pple together to work as one..

wish it would be like tt in choir

basically.. with tt short 2 hrs with drama.. i felt.. happy.. really happy.. like i was part of them..

after tt.. went to Jp with V and H.. then something really stupid happened.. i wont tell u.. hahaz.. find from them urself..

juz hope tt CH wasnt there to see me acting like a fool.. ha..

...

2004-11-15T09:06:00.000+08:00

i think im going crazy..

i've been having those 'dreams'.. which i have mentioned earlier on.. repeatedly.. sub-conciously.. the one by which i am running with XD.. and there's this chinese teacher running after us.. and then at this junction, i pushed XD across the road and shouted at him to run.. and then i turned to blocked the teacher.. and eventually.. XD succeeded in killing himself.. by jumping off a HDB flat nearby..

ok.. i dun think i ever posted this dream b4.. but heck..

then recently.. i got to know who the freaking chinese teacher was.. and its was like.. someone pour this whole bucket of cold water on me.. the feeling whenever someone tries to ask me about mine or when anyone toks about suicide like nobody's business..

well.. i have no idea why i keep having tt dream..

i have no idea y i kept thinking of it this way.. its like.. i want him to die.. ...

ok.. this is how i feel.. i felt that in the situation that XD is in now.. i think he should have just keep on running then and did it.. and not give up and let that bloody freaking chinese teacher catch him.. even though maybe his life now is working out a bit better that b4.. i dunno.. havent contact him for very long liao..

or maybe it was becoz he actually asked me to die with him.. coz i was with him on his supposedly last day on earth.. and then it was his scheduled time to go off and out of JP and prepare to die.. he actually asked me to go with him and jump with him.. coz he didnt want to die alone..

naturally i freaked out ok.. i like juz survived a near death experience myself and was trying to fit back into life.. tryin to get back to the ' i wanna life' mentality.. and there he was.. draggin me out the main entrance of JP.. (as in really dragging) to his bus stop..

but in the end i seriously chickened out.. (ok.. i seriously suck and major suck as a friend).. it was like.. almost 7.. and if i didnt go home.. my mom would whack me lor.. ... ok.. i still suck as a friend.. so when his bus came.. he ran for the bus.. and i juz stood.. when he called out to me.. i juz continued standing there.. eventually he boarded the bus and then the bus juz left..

maybe its was b coz i wasnt there.. thats y XD couldnt do what he wanted to do.. so if i were there.. then he could have left this world.. then he wouldnt have gotten into all that shit he had gotten into him self..

so..

ITS MY FAULT.!!!!!

fuck.. its all my fault.. its my fault that he suffered.. its my fault that he had to get all traumautized by all that police and fucking mrs yip...

FUCK YOU MRS YIP.!!! WHY DID U HAVE TO MAKE IT SUCH A BIG MATTER!?!?.. U THINK U SO GOOD?!!? U JUZ ALMOST RUINED SOMEBODY'S LIFE.!!!U THINK U SO BIG SHOT RIGHT?? U GO AND DIE LAH!!! ANYHOW GO AND CALL POLICE!!!!

yeah.. and as i was saying.. he wouldnt have to go to court.. he wouldnt have to be at a freaking dilema of thinking whether he should continue living.. he wouldnt be at a freaking sad state of not knowing where to go next in life..

B COZ HE NV EXPECTED TO LIVE PAST THAT DAY!! HE NV EXPECTED TO LIVE UNTIL SEC 3!!! THATS WHY.. HE.. LIKE ME.. IS JUZ STUCK IN SPACE.. NOT KNOWING WHERE TO GO NEXT.. AND ITS ALL FRIGGING MRS YIP'S FAULT!!!

so he's juz taking stuff one step at a time.. u see.. when one person decides to kill himself.. that person usually doesnt plan to survive.. right?.. thus that person wouldnt be planning for his future.. coz he thinks that he wouldnt have one.. coz he'll be dead.. logical??

at least i didnt purposely fail all my subs.. thats y i borderline get into 3/1.. (actually i didnt have a choice. suicide or not.. i still had to do well or at least ok in my subs..).. but XD... he juz completely didnt do his science.. and i know he would have done quite well.. if he could have jus tried to do it..

and if i were him.. i wouldnt do my papers either.. i'll juz hand them in early and then walk out or juz sleep right thru it.. b coz.. i'll think.. since i should died.. that means i shouldnt even be here.. then y should i even do this frigfging paper.. i mean.. if i died.. then i dont even eneed to do this paper.. so why bother?

so that y i think.. after mine.. i juz didnt care if i failed or not.. i mean.. its like.. whats wrong with failing.. its not like i have an future career planned out right in front of me to follow lor.. so y bother..?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok.. another thing bugging me.. im thinking of dropping biology.. to take art.. so i told elfie.. and he was like going.. y u wanna drop bio? then i explain to him lor.. that i wanted to take art.. and that i couldnt drop physics or a maths coz they very important.. but then bio is my best science lor.. then he was saying.. wad stream i wanted to take in jc.. so i said.. my mum wants me to take science stream.. but i wanna take art stream.. that y i cant drop a maths or physics.. coz if i drop either.. i cant go to science stream liao.. so i was like telling him that i dunno wad to do lor.. so he was like going.. ok.. if like that right.. then follow ur heart.. choose art stream.. do what u like to do..

then its like.. wah lao lor.. he's like going to let me drop his sub so that i can do wad i like.. but the thing is that i like both bio and art.. and they are like my best 2 subjects lor..

then last wed.. its like.. i went for art.. and so happen.. during art.. there was bio.. so when i went back to class after art.. elfie was still there.. after the lesson.. he was like.. where u go..? y u nv come for my class?? then i told me that i went for art.. then his face like suddenly juz dropped.. then he dropped his worrysome tone and asked,' so u officially drop bio liao lah?' then i was like going.. i think so.. then he nod his head.. and said.. then i wisk u good luck in wadever u do.. then he went off lor..

wah lao.. its like.. i feel freaking quilty.. why muz he say suck things lor.. .. then when i consulted some pple on wad to do.. they told me to drop instead of bio.. (and they were the one who encouraged me to take art in the first place..) sdo i dunno wad to do.. what i do know is that i havent officially drop bio yet.. coz need to sign form and all that crap.. but i dun wanna drop bio.. i dun wanna disappoint elfie.. its like.. i really enjoy his class.. and i really dun wanna disappoint him..

i feel damn guilty..

guilty until i wanna cry..

it's juz so big a burden..

within me..

which i cannot dispose..

and its like.. really really dun know what to do.. i dunno where i wanna go.. i dunno what i wanna be.. i dunno what i really want.. i dunno why im in 3/1..

and most of all..

i dun even know who i really am..

...

2004-10-21T10:43:00.000+08:00

DAMN!!! IM SICK!!

cannot go for camp..

damn..

muz be retribution for not taking care of ruiming's mice properly..

...

damn..

damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck damn fuck

ok.. man.. i was only puking out all that i ate.. and then my mom say cannot go..

at least i got MC..

wad the hell..

then i couldnt become a belayer..

such an honour..

wasted..

(juz joking)..

ARGH!!!

then cannot go for rock climbing and canoeing..

smth i had wanted to do at the camp..

damn..

im feeling so god damn miserable..

*cries*

...

2004-10-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

to haikal:

i told you that counsellors couldnt be trusted.. i mean.. if not why they working here? right or not? they'll play on your trust, record down what u say and then report back to the teacher who wants to know about you..

the part about ' i wont tell any one unless the information you have confided in me is life threatening..' is all BULLSHIT..

damn.. when greta was away.. i got that fcuking orange haired part time counsellor.. and for the one hour session i stared back at her while she tried hard to make conversation..

and before i left.. she asked me to list down the pple i dont like most.. i said.. ' ms tay.. mrs yip.. and you'.. and she was like going.. why dont you like me? and acting like she was going to cry or smth.. man.. they are so F-A-K-E..

2004-10-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

GOD DAMN!

my mum is racist.. R-A-C-I-S-T..

and i spent half my life fighting racist freaks like EC..

when i had one super big one living under the same roof as me..

im too shocked..

too shocked to write even more..

...

2004-10-19T18:24:00.000+08:00

ok.. i am finally goin' to talk about ms ruth ng..

maybe you people out there are probably wondering why the hell i wanna tok about such a grumpy cow right? --*heads nod*-- well, i guess i juz wanna explain why i like to hang around in the art room so frequently.. and probably thinks that im less a wierdo than i am.. ( or maybe i'll still remain the weirdo that i am)

ok.. my story begins..

it all started off with me bring fat.. yesh.. F-A-T.. fat..

ok.. maybe i wasnt that fat.. i mean there are fatter pple out there than me.. but to my mom.. i was this enormous hippO who basically looked fat in anything.. thats why she wont buy me new clothes coz she says that i have to lose weight first before i could buy that gorgeous outfit even though i look great in it..

so she calls me 'fat' at home.. and i defintely wasnt very happy about it.. i mean.. how could i get a self esteem if the person who gave birth to you and is supposedly the one who loves u the most jeers at you and says that you are fat and illustrates her point with big obscene actions and constipated faces.. which usually are very.. XtreMely XaggerateD and extremely funny to my 2 younger sisters..

very soon.. my sister calls be fat too.. juz recently.. she called me ' fat young lady' and laughed.. and i dont even call her names.. and if i were to.. it would be a mile long..

once.. i was trying to practise this dance i learnt.. and u know what happened?.. she said that if i danced all my fats would jump up and down like a basketball.. and she laughed hysterically.. and even my mom laughed..

1) i dont have that much fats for them to jump up and down like a basketball

2) i was trying to lose weight.. and dancing was one of the only options my mom allowed me to lose weight.. she wont let me play soccer.. damn..

3) my mum so didnt scold her or anything.. and she LAUGHED..

ok.. so in school.. in class.. well.. basically.. i'm this fat kid who flunks her tests and stuff.. and its like.. the guys who sit at the back of my class sometimes make comments about my weight.. and its isnt very nice coz i sit in front and its like.. they'll like shout it all the way from the back to the front..

ok..and before i go on.. i would like to say something..

i am very sensitive about comments made about my weight..

so.. im juz this fat idiot.. both at home or in school.. its like.. no one wants to know the real me..no one gives me the chance to show what i've got.. in class.. as long as i flunk any test.. im nobody.. N-O-B-O-D-Y.. nobody.. so i pratically dont exist.. seriously..

so.. this is where ruth ng enters the story..

ruth ng doesnt judge me by what she sees.. she aCcepts me.. whether i wear my skirt short or long.. have one ear hole or none.. she sees past my outer shell and accepts me..

the art room is the only place in school where i can escape from reality.. the only place where i can get my peace and quiet from.. the only place where i am not judged for whaT i am but wHo i am..

and i appreciate that a lot..

fcuk

2004-10-17T18:20:00.001+08:00

damn damn damn..

i still havent completed any costumes.. shit..

today i had a dream while napping..

i was trying to jump down from 2/1 storey.. then its like my mom was on the 3/1 storey.. so i didnt wanna die.. juz wanna scare her.. so i hang from the parapet outside 2/1.. then she said calmly.. dont move.. im coming down to get you.. then she start climbing down from there..

then i freak out... and let go.. then got terrence santhi and mrs yip downstairs to catch me.. and then i was locked up in this air-con container and tied up lor..

then i forgot what happened next lah.. but i think i ran down the slope and then was like hiding in these classrooms.. like what i do when i dun wanna go down for assembly and dodging all those counsillors..

i remember tt i was climbing over the school fences..(which were really really high in my dream.. like the one facing the highway..).. when one of the teachers held on to my foot.. then i hook him off.. and he grabbed it again.. then i think i kicked him in the face and then he fell all the way down and i climbed over to the other side.. and belive me.. all the teachers who i had managed to knock over all got over and ran after me..

and when i ran.. i felt like i was i was..

fLYing..

all the PTN pple and the teachers started chasing after me.. like when J was going to kill himself.. and that faggoT mRs Yip (no insult meant to all the other faggots out there) got to know about it.. and called the police even before starting to find him.. and then called on all the teachers left in the school and the PTN to find him.. and then got this teacher who saw him and chased after him and caught him under a void deck..

then i came to this place where i went cycling with my crush in another dream.. and supposedly its in NTU.. lemme try describe the place to u.. the the road is like a meander.. and in the other dream.. my crush and i were cylcing along one of this road and on our right was a short gentle slope up to a field of green.. aiyah.. dunno how to descride lah.. just know that i went there before in my dreams..

so i was running yeah?.. and the teachers were chasing.. so i ran over these ditches adn ran into this alley and hid there.. while i heard the teachers and PTN run pass it.. its was really freaky.. coz i really didnt want to get caught by those freaky pple..

then i ran out of the alley.. and towards the road.. by then.. the teachers were like quite behind and were still chasing me.. then i went to the bus stop.. and then its like.. i didnt take the buses already there.. coz i realised tt it went to the nearest interchange or smth.. so i think i took this bus which i had nv seen and its said it went to serrangoon.. so.. ok.. cool.. then i took the third bus.. the serrangoon bus.. and boarded it.. and the bus left just before the gang of teachers arrived at the bus..

and i felt a damn great sense of satisfactiOn..

well.. i guess all that training with the atheletics and yamakashi and pretending what i would do if i were running away from home and school and mental training with all those hiding from the councillors and stuff..

really came in hanDy..

and for some reason.. my baby brother was with me.. i forgot how he came to be with me.. so anyway.. the bus was a bendy bus.. just that it has 3 parts instead of 2.. and then i was sittin down in the second compartment.. and sat down.. after while of looking after my bro and out the window.. i noticed a police car behind the bus.. and i was think.. god damn!!..

and i was wearing this bright orange top and jeans.. so i figured tt the teachers porbably called the police.. (like in J's situation) and probably told them tt i was wearing a bright orange tee and blue jeans.. with my hair tied up in a ponytail and wearing pink specs..

so natuarally i freaked out.. again.. i didnt want to hauled back to that prison of a school.. so i dug through my bag.. and took out this old purply patterned blouse and a yellow skirt.. then i wore that blouse over my blakc teeand the skirt over the jeans and then took off my jeans.. and at that very moment on the bus.. i cut my hair short.. and took out my spare specs to wear.. which were round and big and brown..

so when the bus stopped and the police car pulled up against the bus.. i was seriously considering whether or not to fake breast-feedin my bro.. to pretend to be his mom or smoething.. but decided not to.. coz he has 3 teeth above and 4 teethe below.. and that really gotta hurt.. and also because maybe he didnt wanna get breast-feeded and tt would be like a total give-away.. i just acted cool.. and still let my brother roam around my seat..

the police officer came in.. and the bus started to move aain.. i think he was like totally scanning the bus.. thinking that i was probably hiding in some corner.. so when he came to my compartment saw me.. he gave me a small polite smile.. and lifted up his hat like in those old western movies.. i gently nodded and smiled back.. he bent down to tickle my bro.. but my bro juz ran towards me and hugged tightly.. like he always does when he's around strangers..

but even when he had finished looking around.. he didnt get off the bus.. he juz continued to hang around in my compartment and then started to chat with the the passengers in my compartment..

and then..

i woke up..

...

2004-09-15T19:12:00.000+08:00

hm.. feel like writing some more.. hm.. yeah.. ok.. er.. hm.. hm.. wonering why Hrm deleted his blog.. and y Mdm C was so bothered abt his blog.. its was a cool blog anyway.. haiz..

CH isnt that cute anymore.. L is cuter.. hahaz.. ok.. CH is still CUTER.. hahahz.. L is juz sweet.. *wink*..

a lot of pple dun like CH.. say that he has a major attitude problem.. and tt if it werent for him.. their class would have gotten nil.. NADA demerit points.. wadever.. i like bad boys.. hahaz.. juz jking.. *wink*

hm.. and um.. wad else is there to write?..

hm.. ok.. maybe got the $3000 which mrs yip offered to used to produce one of our chemistry games.. now.. lemme see.. why is mrs yip watsing $3000 on producing silly chemistry board games.. WHEN SHE COULD BE USING IT TO BUY FOOLSCAPE FOR OUR SCH!! OR MAYBE EVEN TO INSTALL LOCKERS IN THE CLASSROOMS!! OR SMONETHING LIDDAT!!.. and the $$ isnt even hers.. its the MOE give the $$.. wadever man..

wad else.. hm.. S, C and me went to spelling bee compeition.. we lost..

hm.. er.. i juz started playing Gunbound last week.. ok.. i know.. i am bloody slow.. ha.. and im still that bloody yellow chick.. manz..

hm.. finshed the "missing" series.. or the "1800-where-r-u" sreies by meg cabot or jenny carroll.. finished all 4 books.. and its so cool.. hahaz.. go check it out.. or can borrow it from me..

SM has been hospitalised since sunday.. wondering how she is.. hope she found my lit notes ppt presentation interesting.. hahaz.. and tt she is feeling better..

lately.. been feeling very distanced from everyone.. ok.. maybe my class.. i mean.. i hang arnd with these pple 90% of the time in sch.. and i realsied that i dun really have a friend in class.. i mean someone is like me.. like a bit slacking sometimes and stuff.. and doesnt look down on me and stuff.. and there's no one.. nil.. empty.. nada.. so i do feel kinda lonely.. ok.. not kinda.. REALLY lonely.. maybe i should change class.. ok... maybe i shouldnt. coz i dun even know whether pple from the other classes would like me much or smth.. oh god.. i am such a loser.. manz..

ok.. maybe also b coz tt SM is not arnd tt i feel kinda lonely.. noone to tok in class.. the most is i tok to C and Z.. and tt kinda sux.. coz C take pratically everything that i say to be meaning tt im am crazy abt him..

i have finally realised why i cant do my chem homeworks.. its b coz i HAVE to understand to do the problem.. if not.. it'll juz hang there.. coz i want to understand every question.. like.. what would happen.. why.. would it react the same way with water? and such like dat.. and it took me 1 hr to do juz 1 and 1/2 page of a chem worksheet.. coz every questions i would stop and think.. then ask J or S.. who would both have different answers and then would discuss which was the right answer.. man.. R was so fed up.. hahaz.. thnx J and S.. for tolerating my bombarding questions..

and i still feel lonely in class.. man.. its like.. i dun even feel good sitting in class u know.. its like.. i dunnno anyone there.. and its a wierd feeling coz i do know them.. u know? ok.. i think im confusing u pple out there really bad.. hm.. its juz tt i dun fit into any grp in class.. coz at the start of the year.. either they were in their cliques from last yr.. or formed new cliques this yr.. by which i didnt bother forming..

i mean.. D and M are my friends.. but they really arent the ones who would listent o my joy and sorrow.. its like.. when the 3 of us go as a grp.. it'll be the 2 of them toking most of the time.. coz they have like a lot of smilarities.. and when i try to say smth.. half the time they ignore me and then like eternity later.. they like go.. wad were u saying?

h says tt ever since i satarted to hang arnd with D and M.. she says tt my self esteem and plunged down.. WAY-down.. and that i have become more girly.. i mean.. i dun like playing soccer and more.. CAN U BELIEVE IT?? omg.. i cant belive it either..

and i think tt i've started to flirt or smth.. like unknowingly.. until later on.. i realsie how disgustingly i had acting.. like i would go all sweet and nice to this particular guy.. man.. i am such an idiot.!!.. now tt i think abt it.. i feel like pucking..

gtg eat dinner.. after dinner then i go and write some more..

...

2004-09-15T18:19:00.000+08:00

ok.. im FINALLY writing this.. even though im not supposed to be here slacking.. should be studying.. any way..

for the past few weeks.. my nose has been bleeding again.. then its like.. it would bleed in the middle of the night.. then in the morning.. i would wake up with blood on my hand and underneath my fingernails.. and i dont even remember of even nose bleeding in the middle of the night..

my mum says that its juz too dry in my room.. coz i sleep with air con every night.. but S says tt i should see a doctor.. hm.. wadever..

..

2004-08-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

juz read Hrm's latest blog entry.. tt mdm chang any how go and say stuff.. .. diaonz.. wondering whether any teachers are reading MY blog.. hope they are.. hahaz.. Hrm's blog not bad stuff wad.. its good stuff.. coz its does voice out wad some students are thinking of.. and its cool reading his blog.. man.. ..

...

2004-08-25T20:46:00.000+08:00

opps.. forgot to mention tt it was sreyansh's b-dy yesterday.. happy b-day.. u annoying brat.. *grin*..

ok.. back to today.. today.. D brought the cat back to sch.. she had found somewhere then brought it home to bathe it.. then it had came back smelling much nicer.. hahaz.. D aslo had some cast food then the cat ate the cat food.. then the next lesson.. it shitted and it was so bloody smelly.. yucks..

then during leng's class.. we brought the cat with us coz dun really trust the pple at 3/1.. then leng was kinda pissed.. .. wad the hell.. so much for me guessing tt she was an animal lover..

then during mrs yeo's lesson most pro.. she come in.. then the cat meow.. then she was like goin.. do u have a cat here?.. then D, S and me all stated meowing.. then mrs yeo kept on looking arnd for a cat.. then she like looking at the dump area on the right of the class.. hahaz.. then she said tt she scared of cats.. and the she juz came form 3/6 then 3/6 had a hamster in it.. hahaz.. wonder wad would happen when its hamster versus cat.. wonder who would win.. *wink*..

then after tt.. chng's lesson.. then S ask him whether he likes cats.. he say its ok lor.. then we told him abt the cat.. tt the cat was in the broom cupboard.. then he go and see.. then he made me promise tt i would let it go after sch.. coz he felt tt it was cruel to put it in the small and dusty place..

after tt.. elfie came lor.. then first thing he did was to open the cardboard and then take the cat out and then stroke it.. could see tt he liked cats alot.. hm.. then he finished one whole chapter.. excretion.. in 45 mins.. then rest of the time.. we watched two episodes of the happy tree friends.. yeah.. it has become a habit.. after tt.. for bio spellng bee elfie gave us some handouts.. then i'm supposed to find 50 bateria names bu tml.. im gonna die..

after tt. went to Swenson's for topless five with H and H.. go check it out.. only $1.39 for 5 scoops of ice cream.. and the scoops arent tiny.. *grin*..

then wnet McDonalds.. then went home.. at the mrt there.. H and me toked standing there for 45+mins until we realised tt it was almost 7pm then we faster say bye bye then go.. hahaz.. and now.. im searching for bacteria names with the uses or functions.. which i can barely find.. man.. this is gonna be hard.. and my printer aint working.. haiz.. but i can do it.. *grin*

...

2004-08-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

today found a cat in sch.. then bring up to class.. its a kitten actualy.. then quite small.. but Cashmere was smaller .. (Cashmere is a kitten a found last yr)..

then created quite a commotion at class lor.. EC is allergic to cats.. (or so he claims and so i respect it and dun bring the cat to him).. then keep complaining whenever i touch his table or smth.. then D say wanna bring home.. then ok lor.. hm..

then after recess.. we give the cat to YY.. then he bring to class lor.. then it was Turban X's (sorry Hrm.. *grin) lesson.. coz the cat kept jumping arnd.. then Turban X not happy.. so he made G bring the cat to the G-hse.. hahaz..

but then later he told me tt the cat jumped out of the window in 3/2.. then he said tt i shouldnt bring animals into class.. blah blah blah.. then i sort of like worry.. (DUH!).. then i faster go back to class and tell the class.. wah lao.. u shld have seen their faces lor.. all become worried or black.. hahaz.. (it was only later tt 3/2 pple tell us tt Turban X was only jking.. tt hairy bastard.. )

then its like.. seng's lesson.. 1 1/2 hr or geo.. then its like.. D and me only spend wad.. 20 mins in her class? hahaz.. coz the rest of the time we spent looking for the cat.. then its like.. the slope in front of 1/3.. got a hole.. then its like.. when we near there.. we heard mewing.. so we thot the cat drop into there.. so go back to class ask S to help go see.. then he go and see.. saw nth but a ball..

the hole right.. its not just straight ahead lor.. its drops down.. then got scary stuff and debris sticking out at the sides.. then very freaky.. hahaz.. go check tt place out when u all free k? *grin*..

then later after sch.. Zm help us check again.. he like went all the way up to check lor.. even further that S.. hahaz.. then got a crowd of our class pple at the bottom of the 'slope'.. then i think J go and say wad.. "Look.. ZM so brave".. hahaz.. so funny..

then after tt.. D continue finding.. then i go home.. coz i wanna reach home earlier so tt at least can finish some hmwk so tt can go watch this fashion at raffles city shopping centre with HL.. which starts at 7..

reach home.. mum slping.. so eat some instant noodles.. then did some maths lor.. when she wake up.. she saw me revising.. then nv say anything lor.. so then i ask her can go out or not.. i told her is to watch fashion show with HL.. then she nv say yes or no lor.. usually.. 99% she would say no one.. somemore on a school day and so late lor.. then later i ask her for her phone.. (coz both my hp all died.. tell u all the story some other time..).. she said ok lor.. so i suppose it meant tt i could go out lor..

*fast-forward*

at raffles city shopping centre.. on the second floor.. the cat walk was on the frist floor.. the fashion show was only 45 mins long.. but i felt it was quite good lor.. hahaz.. got more ideas for MY fashion at the Singapore Expo' at the end of the year.. u all muz come and support me hor!.. *grin*,,

after tt went to McDonald's to eat.. wah lao.. we walk from raffles city shopping centre all the way to suntec city to find McDonalds.. (plz dun tell me tt there's a McDonald's at raffles city shopping centre.. I'll kill myself.. hahaz..).. then sit down.. we tok lor.. hahaz.. then i keep on toking abt CH.. hahaz.. *grin grin grin*

by the time i reached home.. its arnd 10.15pm.. then bathe liao.. went straight to slp.. so shuan.. hahaz.. ZzZz..

...

2004-08-23T22:08:00.000+08:00

since im online.. then might as well write smth here.. finished my heat w/s.. i didnt copy this one.. and im only one day later.. trying to finish C34.. and hand in tml so wont get detention.. at least i handed in C33 lor.. ... bloody hell..

hm.. saw some year books.. 1988.. then mdm chang like so diff lor.. wasnt so fat then.. then look quite cute.. hahaz.. then the mrs ong look quite chio.. *grin grin*.. hm..

had a stupid dream.. its like.. me and my mum fight.. then i was late for sch.. then i was like holding my sch u and saying " im late im late'.. it was 0730 then..then 0800 i was still prancing arnd.. yeah i know.. tts stupiod..

then somehow i was at the bus stop outside jurong polyclinic.. those who kow which bus stop im toking abt would know that the vehicles on tt side of the road would go from ur right to ur left.. then got these 2 red fire engines coming in opposite directions and stopped right in front of me.. then the drivers hi5ed each other.. came out lor.. then the fire engines moved off..

then the 2 drivers asked me.. are u abused at home.. then i went .. no.. then they ask me to ask these two primary sch kids the same question.. and i was like going.. y dun u ask them urself.. they did. and the 2 kids answered in one voice and monotonelessly.. "YESH...".. and iw as like going diaonz..

then they were like saying smth.. then they mentioned's CH's name.. and i was like going.. u know CH?!?!.. and they were like going.. of course we know CH.. and they were going on abt CH and some bunch of other kids were going for this behavior monitoring program.. by which they would run tests like patience test (dun ask me wad kinda test is tt.. i have no idea..).. then they were like asking me whether i wanted to go..then i woke up..

ok.. not say in woke up.. coz i was sort of having this dream sub-consciously.. like.. i was awake.. and trying to slp again.. then this sort of wierd 'vision' came to my head lor..

ok.. like i said.. its wierd.. and i didnt even get to see CH's face lor.. only hear his name.. hahaz..

...

2004-08-22T15:35:00.000+08:00

its been really long since i last blogged.. hm.. nth much as really happened.. except the fact tt my class still doesnt stand as one.. or even as half.. or two.. wadever..

its like.. there are so many conflicts going on between us.. when we dun like someone.. we juz ignore or avoid.. we dun set out to solve the prob.. which is kinda different from the past 2 yrs i have been having.. the worst thing in class was only backstabbing ok.. (tts kinda bad..).. and even tt was really really rare.. like only once or twice as far as i remember..

i suppose a lot of pple in my class dun really like me.. as in they dislike me.. fine.. i can live with tt.. but their reason for dislike is tt i suck at studies.. ok.. its 3/1.. so there's really nth much u can say.. but then they go on to talk bad abt me.. juz b coz i slack..

great.. its not as though i suck at everything.. there are many other stuff which i can do better than them.. man.. this sucks..

and im like is the wrong class.. coz when im like so enthu about projects and stuff.. pple from THAT class groan and moan.. stuff like teacher's day.. nobody wants to perform.. when P said that at lease D, M and me were enthu.. i was like going.. so wad if im enthu.. to survive in THAT bloddy class.. u dun have to be enthu.. u have to have good grades.. like JM.. and tt sucks.. its like.. at least pple from 2/3 2003 are not tt bad.. but some pple.. who are from 2/3 2003 and 3/1 2004 actually behaves like the rest of the class.. despite knowing me for 2 yrs.. despite knowing who i really am..

AND THAT IS BLOODY LOW.. U DESERVE TO DIE.. DITHCING MORE OLD CLASSMATES AND THEN JOINING TO SMARTER PPLE'S GANG.. NOT EVEN TRYING TO STAND UP FOR THEM.. BELIVE.. IF U NEED HELP.. I WONT EVEN LIFT A STRAND OF EYELASH..

the more i go to sch.. the more i feel like dropping it.. its like.. i wanna do well in chem.. so.. when i'm being a good girl.. concerntrating on her lessons.. i'll naturally ask questions.. coz im curious.. and the questions ARE related to the topic.. and most of the questions help me UNDERSTAND the topic she's toking abt.. and then after a questions.. tt YEO SM would juz say.. aiyah.. i dun wanna answer you're questions..

and im always trying to be a good girl.. i raise my hand to ask a question.. she nv calls me.. she rather answer more stupid questions thrown to her by pple who shout it out to her.. and she tells me to work harder..

GET A LIFE, YEO SM! I PAY ATTENTION IN YOUR CLASS.. U DUN WANNA ANSWER MY QUESTION.. WHEN KV ASKS U QUESTIONS.. WHICH ARE MORE STUPID THAN MINE.. U TAKE TIME TO THINK AND ANSWER THEM.. WHY?? IF U DUN LIKE.. TELL ME.. I'LL GET OUT OF UR CLASS.. WHERE U WILL FEEL HAPPIER WITHOUT ME.. TEACHING THE REST OF THE BRILLIANT 3/1 U LIKE TO BRAG TO 3/6 ABT.. AND THE WAY U DESCRIBE 3/6.. U PUT THEM IN SUCHA WAY TT THEY HAVE NO FEELING.. THAT U NEED NOT CARE ABOUT THEIR FEELING.. TT THEY HAVE NO PRIDE.. WHEN U TOK TO US.. U TREAT US LIKE PRINCES AND PRINCESSES.. U ARE A FCUKING BIAS FEMALE DOG WHO ONLY LIKES TO SUCK UP.. SUCK UP TO MRS YIP.. SUCK UP TO THE SMARTER PPLE IN 3/1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i seem to be getting myself into a lot of shit these days.. like getting associated to pratically majority of the guys in class.. i mean.. wad the hell?!.. its not like i flirt or anything.. ... damn.. wad the hell.. ok.. maybe sometimes i joke around abt which guy is cute.. but the stuff they say is.. ... damn..

and there are pple who i want to be classmates with.. but these are also pple who (1)look down on me.. (2)depise me coz i tok too much.. (3)hate me coz i slack damn lot and dun act like any decent girl..

ok.. i know im like opening a lot of losers out there who spam my tagboard more things to tok abt.. but wad the heck.. u think i care any more..?.. u can go on yakking more lies abt me.. and my friends.. coz i dun really care..

gimme a few minutes to cool down.. and i'll write a happier entry after this..

...

2004-08-11T16:56:00.000+08:00

hafta do this.. from someone important.. mr toh..

(below articles are quoted from Jimmy's website http://www.cynics.info/translate/Appeared in todayâ€™s ST Forum ( reproduced here as ST articles only online for a week ).

Day I told the world, â€˜Weâ€™re Singaporeanâ€™I REFER to Mr Jimmy Liewâ€™s letter, â€˜Time to sing praises of our choirsâ€™ (ST, July 30).

I am happy and, I suppose, proud to be a Singaporean, but itâ€™s never been something I wear emblazoned on my shirt sleeve. Unlike Americans, I would rather wear a sack than a T-shirt displaying my countryâ€™s flag.I have not watched the National Day Parade from start to finish since primary school and, this year, I am toying with the idea of joining the exodus over the Causeway for the National Day holiday.Yet, when I went halfway around the world to Germany for the 3rd Choir Olympics with my choir, we paraded the streets waving our Singapore flags high in the air, declaring to anyone who cared to listen that â€˜Weâ€™re from Singapore!â€™.

And, after years of yawning through the flag-raising ceremony during the morning assembly at school, suddenly, at the prize-presentation ceremony at the end of the competition, there was nothing I wanted more than to see my crescent moon and five stars rising to the beautiful melody of Majulah Singapura.When the results were announced, what joy! Any triumph by a Singaporean choir was celebrated wildly with hugs and tears. Seven golds and one silver! We all bubbled with excitement. We just couldnâ€™t wait to bring the news home and tell our beloved Singapore that we had done it proud. Indeed, nothing sets ablaze patriotic fervour like competing and triumphing in an international arena. And nothing extinguishes that flame faster than coming home to complete indifference. We had all forgotten one minor detail: Weâ€™re from Singapore.In Singapore, you had better be happy to have got even a â€˜whimperâ€™ from the media about your eight Olympic medals if they are for something frivolous like singing. And donâ€™t even dream of monetary rewards from the Government, like those bestowed on our noble athletes.After all, none of us has executed a graceful dive into a pool of water. None of us has run in the 4Ã—100m sprint relay. None of us has thrown a javelin.

A friend said to me: â€˜Youâ€™ve been on TV and the Internet - youâ€™re famous now!â€™ Famous in Germany, that is. Featured on German news television.To the Victoria Junior College Choir, Victoria Chorale, National Junior College Choir, Tampines Primary School Childrenâ€™s Choir and Hwa Chong Choir, my sincerest congratulations on the landmark achievements.The victories are all our own. We threw our hearts and souls into our music. We have done ourselves proud.Perhaps that is the real message for all arts groups: we fight alone and celebrate alone.RACHEL TEO PEI EN (MISS)

her last sentence said it all.

More equal treatment for the arts, pleaseTHE sporting arena in Singapore is a well-developed and coordinated effort. In contrast, there is neither assurance of financial aid or reward, nor comprehensive avenues of support for arts groups wishing to compete internationally.More often than not, we face the challenge of raising funds to offset high competition fees, on top of coordinating long and intense rehearsals.For example, Hwa Chong Choir had to train musically as well as earn itself the trip to Bremen, literally.The National Arts Council (NAC) has in place many initiatives. Now that more and more international competitions are becoming recognised, perhaps NAC can set in motion schemes which provide support to arts groups, and accord due recognition to achievements at established competitions.The primary motivation of playing badminton or singing is passion, and not promise of fame and riches. Yet that passion, to be sustained and nurtured, requires a strong support system.Following Singaporeâ€™s outstanding showing at the 2004 Choir Olympics - it came in fourth among 83 countries last month - local arts groups have proven themselves worthy of greater recognition and investment.HE JIA WEN (MISS)

The Unsung Olympics Gold Medalists - Jimmy Liew http://www.cynics.info/translate/July 28, 2004 3PM I n the run up to the Olympics Games in Athens, we are constantly seeing substantial media exposure to the Games itself and, of course, to the hardworking athletes who will be representing the nation. But unknown to many, Singapore is already an Olympics winner, although not in the sporting arena. The competition in question is the 3rd Choir Olympics held in Bremen, Germany. In the worldâ€™s biggest choral competition, with 83 participating countries, Singapore put up a good fight and emerged fourth, behind only to China, host Germany and South Africa. This is the best outing by any Singaporean contingent since the first Choir Olympics in Linz, Austria back in 2000. Five choirs - Victoria Chorale, Victoria Junior College Choir, Hwa Chong Choir, National Junior College Choir and Tampines Primary School Childrenâ€™s Choir - returned with seven Golds and one Silver, behind China, Germany and South Africa in the medals tally.

In addition, VJC Choir was placed first in the Mixed Choirs category, while Victoria Chorale came up runner-up in the Folklore A cappella category. Yet, there was only a whimper in our local media over this achievement by local choir groups. As of now, there wasnâ€™t any note of congratulation from National Arts Council - and letâ€™s not even mention monetary rewards - for all the hard work put in by all the choirs. True, the Choir Olympics may not have the advantage of having an illustrious history behind it, as compared to the sporting Olympics, but that should not discount the efforts from the five choirs that put Singapore at the peak of the international choral scene. Just as athletes put in time and effort to excel in competitions, so do choirs. Students have to fit in practice times in between studies and exams while working professionals have to sacrifice their weekends. And just as athletes need money for their training and competitions, choirs are often largely self-funded and have to raise money to compete in overseas tournaments. For example, the trip to Bremen took Victoria Chorale two years of fund-raising to materialise. With the current emphasis on the sporting scene in Singapore, one can only hope that the initial blueprint to turn Singapore into an Arts Renaissance city has not been left to merely collect dust. note: this entry was also sent to ST Forum - whether it sees the light, that is for another day

...

2004-08-07T20:39:00.000+08:00

PHYSIOTHERAPHY

hm..

2004-07-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

found out who stanley's.. (3/1).. brother.. and believe me.. stanley looks much better.. not say i like him or anything but stanley really looks better..

hm..

2004-07-26T22:53:00.000+08:00

   ok.. this is the situation.. remember my costumes for be-ur-self day? yeah.. they all use recycled materials.. then ruth ng ask me to do write-up, then take pic of the costume alone.. then take pic of odel wearing the costume.. front, side and back..

   i return to class.. annie lim class.. guess wad she ask me to do if i wanna send it for greenwave project?.. the exact same thing as ruth ng.. juz tt ruth ng's one is sort of for no purpose one lah..

   then.. annie lim ask me whether i want to have this fashion show (not sure whether is it fully my own or not lah.. hope it is.. dun mind making more costumes to make it my own fashion show..).. at the Singapore Expo'.. but.. muz do at least 10 more costumes made from recycled stuff.. and i said ok..

   so.. here's the list:

1) White clothe-hanger outfit ----- Vithya 3/2 [completed]
2) Palm tree woman (as wad HRM says) ----- NOT ME! [completed]
3) White 'hawaiin' outfit ----- Debbie 3/1 [designing and hairstyle done]
4) Black punk outfit ----- Melisaa 3/1 [hairstyle done]
5) Black goth outfit ----- Hsien Lee 3/2 {tentative}
6) - ----- Jane 3/6 {tentative}

   and i need 6 more pple and design outfits (8 if hsien lee and jane dun want).. and be coz i make the outfit to fit the person.. make the outfit look good on the person.. i dun make the outfit first and then look for any tom, dick or harry to wear the outfit ok..

   thus.. i need the pple first.. pple who are really interested lor.. interested can email me?.. kathy_li8@hotmail.com.. or tag my board.. or scroll all the way to the bottom of this page and then click on the 'me' in the "Modified by me".. i need guys also.. so if anyone knows any good looking guys with a great bod.. contact me k?.. hahaz.. thankz..

   hsien lee say that she and dennis probably can help.. ruth ng said tt they could do their own fashion show if they do well or smth at the end of the yr.. but im a step ahead.. hahaz.. sorry.. >.<..

corny

2004-07-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

   today had choir.. on the way back.. cornelius kept talking and pestering renuka who sat beside.. then i was getting annoyed.. and ok.. i tolerated for quite some time.. and i was like trying to let him know y pple get so pissed off with him.. and he didnt want to listen or even get the hint tt i was getting pissed with him and continued toking..

   then i was like goin.. r u like neglected at home..?.. then he suddenly said seriously.. dun ever insult my mum.. ok.. then the next couple of things i did wasnt very nice.. and cornelius got pretty mad at me and.. cried..

   ok.. it really wasnt nice.. and i sort of found out only then tt cornelius was form a single parent family.. and.. i guess i should understand y he was behainvg this way and y he defends his mum so much.. but i didnt know before.. so.. yeah..

   ok.. the first thing which came ot my mind when i first saw corny was tt he was like justinian.. attention-seeking..

   justin sort of toned down in his behaviour after tt trip to genting.. which i good.. coz i sort of showed him tt there are pple who care lor.. and he was really nice up there..

   the last SCO practise.. justin told me to get to know corny.. to stop him from becoming the old justinian.. coz he sort of saw himself reflected in corny.. he asked me to help corny.. the way i helped him lor.. but the thing is.. im no superwoman.. and the only reason i cared for justinian was b coz..
1)he was in sorprano.. i could see wad was happening to him more clearly.. 2)i felt tt the pple he held dear to him didnt really care abt him..
3)i felt tt there was more to it than juz attitude prob..
4)he still had a chance to change

   corny is a whole different case.. corny is more action.. justinian was more of wide annoying smiles (im sorry.. hahaz..) and really annoying screams and stuff i cant remember.. corny is juz tok.. and physical contact.. ok. justinian used physical contact too.. but i guess i dun really care how corny turns out.. if he wants to ruin his life.. he can..

   i also guess its b coz i really dun know how i 'changed' justinian or whether i was me at all.. probably it was juz justinian maturing.. so.. yeah..

   i dunno.. i feel tt.. corny.. haiz.. its another case like justinian's..

   justinian.. do u know tt for months i was thinking of y u were behaving the way u were.. and a lot of pple were like telling me.. its juz the way u were.. but i really thought otherwise.. (sorry argh.. read too much chicken soup.. try it!) and i was trying to get u to trust me.. which was quite difficult coz u were always sticking with deb.. eventually.. i guess it really was the genting trip which brought u closer to me and jane and kathleen.. (coz u were the only guy who was allowed in a girls room - jane and my room).. then i sort of recall telling u tt if u wanted to come with us (kat, jane and me..).. u had to behave or smth.. yeah.. but it was fun hanging out with u lah.. hahaz..

   hahaz. dunno wad else to say liao.. haiz..

deodorant..

2004-07-23T21:19:00.000+08:00

   yeah man.. haha.. added 3 more different scents of Impulse deodorant to my 'collection'.. haha..

   my first one was 'Merely Musk'.. which says.. ' the warm inviting fragrance of Merely Musk - an exciting and captivating Impulse fragrance that no man can resist.." then tt time colby borrowed it from me.. and i was like goin.. later all the guys all go to him.. hahaz.. coz the scent irresistable mah.. *wink*..

   then the new additions are 'ICQ', 'Illusions' and 'Vive'.

   'ICQ' says.. 'Impulse ICQ lets you enjoy the sparkling clean fragrance of ice plants and silver mist orchids'

   'Illusions' says.. 'the essense of Illusions is mystery and suspense. it spins a web that few men can escape. expect the unexpected..' (wonder if i spray it on.. would guys follow me like hounds? hahaz..)

   and lastly.. 'Vive' says.. 'Vive - the exciting, independant fragrance that lets you break the rules. prepare yourself for adventure..' (muz spray this when breaking school rules.. then blame it on this.. hahaz..)

   then i was thikning of getting all the fragrances.. then put in class or smth.. then its like.. got so many diffrent fragrances to choose from.. then also got different fragrances to spray ee cheong when he bugs me or when he takes off his shoes and then puts his feet out.. hahaz.. then i always spray his feet.. thanks david for inspiring me to use deodorant as a weapon.. *wink*grin*..

hm..

2004-07-21T23:16:00.001+08:00

very long nv update liao.. juz too lazy to.. and too busy lah hor.. sorry.. then got mini war goin on in my tag board.. haiz.. :p.. quick update on wad has happened to me..

be-ur-self day
got both first and secong positions.. coz i made 2 costumes and asked vithya to help me wear one.. then one she wore got first.. i'll load the pics here when i can get them.. the new paper came to interview us.. then still waiting for the article to come out.. hahaz.. total got $75 time book voucher..

math story
got first for tt one.. the whole thing is i do one.. sre is because he no grp i juz grab him into my grp.. then he did the powerpoint presentation with the hyperlinks and stuff.. travelled 30 mins juz to buy a cd to save the file into it coz file too big to save in floppy disk.. hm.. maybe can try to put the ppt presentation here also.. so my thingy owuld be sent to be approved to be published for this 101 maths sories by our west-one cluster..

racial harmony day
3/1 had to sing a song.. when mrs png said tt she needed MCs.. both sre and me raised our hands.. but she said tt she had already chosen deb and sre.. (sarah.. i compare myself with deb sometimes coz she seem to have all the things i would want ! which i think isnt very good but at least here's an anser for u).. tts y she put me in charge of the formation.. and tts how i became the creative director.. -_-".. anyway.. wore the blue cheong sam.. (dunno how to spell).. then very tight.. (shit.. grew fatter.. =/).. yeah.. then wear the burmese costume the skirt keep falling.. or they help me roll until it looks like i got this big circle of stomach fat.. (which i dun have.. even if have i will suck in one.. hahaz.. )..

i think tts about it all lor.. need to go do chem project and biology one too.. shit.. tml a maths ct.. think i'll juz flunk this one.. juz this one.. god bless me.. lol..

..

2004-07-10T09:50:00.000+08:00

it was cross country yesterday.. didnt run coz had MC.. and also b coz no confidence to get top 20.. so didnt wanna "lose face".. coz for the previous 2 yrs been getting top 20.. hm..

got me, sre, deb, priya, kel vin and ying chen go ice-skating b4 macritchie.. then it was like totally nobody lor.. k lah.. got one or 2.. so it was very spacious.. hahaz.. then me, sre and ying chen came late coz i went to cliic to get MC.. then it was like.. when we reach there.. deb, priya and kv were already inside..

then wanted to get hockey skates.. but deb already took it liao.. coz she sameshoe size as me.. haiz.. so sad.. hahaz..

sre was like.. cannot skate lor.. ying chen also.. then sre very funny lor.. hahaz.. keep falling.. but in the end he got improve.. hahaz.. ying chen also.. hahaz..

hm.. then go macritchie.. slack slack salck until secs1s coming in.. then the sec2s.. then cheer for the juniors we knew.. (we is thandar, hamidah and me.. got xiao qian and ain join in later to cheer the sec3s.. )

then the sec3 girls came in.. wah lao.. its like 95% of the top 20 girls were from 3/3.. (but then again wad can i say.. its called sports class for a reason..)haiz..

then sec3 guys came in.. then i was like lookin for sre lor.. coz he has been like training for quite a number of days running up and down the stairs.. then he was like aiming to get top 20.. then after the top 20 guys came in.. i was like telling thandar they all tt sre would be damn disappointed lor.. then later the top 40.. top 60.. all didint see sre lor.. even after dhruv.. nv see him.. i freak out lor.. i thot he kena injured or smth.. or lying in the forest lost.. helpless.. (ok.. a bit exaggerated.. hahaz.. )

then ask dhruv.. dhruv say he injured leg.. then preetpal came in.. he say sreyansh kena cramp and stiches.. then its like couldnt even walk lor.. (then i think this is when he injured his leg..)

then finally i saw him coming in.. with jason behind.. jogging.. then me and thandar they all were like cheering him on lor.. then its like.. "1.. 2.. 3.. SREYANSH!!!"

then.. i cried.. i dunno.. juz felt really sad lor.. its like.. he's been training.. then he was really hoping to get top 20.. juz tt he didnt warm up.. WAH LAO!! Y DIDNT U GO AND DO YOUR WARM UPS INSTEAD IF PLAYING SOCCER?!?!.. haiz.. then i was like.. going to cry.. then hamidah noticed lor.. then i juz turned to her shoulder and juz cried.. and cried.. until i felt better.. manz.. it was juz so sad.. manz.. (it doesnt link but heck.. hahaz..)

haiz.. after tt.. nth much happened lor.. hm..

to anonymous

2004-07-04T19:01:00.000+08:00

to anonymous:

ok.. heres my very long entry to u.. i dun know u.. coz u nv put ur name up.. but its ok..

its not as though i have nv seeked help b4.. the one i went to wasnt a teacher.. its was a supposedly trained counsellor.. and from tt incident with tt counsellor.. i dun think i can trust pple working in this line.. it may sound kinda sad.. but it is the truth..

professional help..? hm.. nah.. i toked to a psychiatrist when i ended up in hospital.. nah.. juz dun feel good toking to her.. made me feel more depressed..

yeah.. i know its escaping.. but to me.. it isnt escaping.. b coz i dun try to kill myself b coz i've got problems.. problem which i cant solve.. i dunno.. im juz doind it.. to see whether pple would get sad.. whether pple would care.. whether i would make an impact in their lives.. sorry if it sounds sadistic or something.. but tts how i think i feel..

now whenever i think abt suicide.. i get confused.. whenever pple tok abt suicide so openly and vigarously.. i feel like puking.. and my mind would be swarmed with so many bad memories..

ok.. so even if i am escaping.. if i die.. the problem would cease to exist wouldnt they?

maybe u dun even know me.. so y should u even care? i mean.. when i took 14 panadols.. 4 friends.. 4 i considered quite close.. watched me eat one by one.. one of them tried by feebly trying to snatch them out of my hand.. anther juz shook her head and saying tt wad i was doin was stupid.. the other 2 were juz crapping..

then pratically the whole class knew.. it was only later.. a fren told another of my fren to tell a teacher.. tts was like.. 2 hrs later?

there pple out there who care for me.. i mean.. when i leave.. they'll juz forget me after a while.. juz think tt i migrated or smth.. its the same right? hahaz.. and im sure not tt many pple care for me.. i mean.. y shld they? y would they? they would rather care for pple like debbie.. right?

hm.. anything else u wanna say? juz tag me k? i know wadever u said are all true.. but if i really wanna die.. no one can stop me.. so if i die suddenly.. i would like to say sorry to all the pple i would have hurt.. sorry..

even thought sorry doesnt mean much.. but tts the best i can do.. sorry..

yesterday..

2004-07-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

ok.. yesterday went to syf opening.. skip everything.. ok.. only the band display is worth mentioning..

hm.. now i very lazy to write.. hahaz.. k lah.. now.. i only wanna tok about the drun majors..

deyi sec presented first.. the drum major was tall and lean.. then use binoculars (hahaz.. sound so perverse) he quite shuai.. hahaz.. still remember the name.. ngai yi qian.. hahaz.

then the tanjong katong sec band came.. then i was like going "tktktktktktktktktktktktk" very fast.. hahaz.. coz marcus from tk mah.. hahaz.. ok.. very lame..

then got this combined sch choir.. sorry.. didnt really notice u lah hor..

then bowen sec.. b coz last yr the drum major was a girl.. then i use binoculars to see.. i saw a boy.. but mel say girl.. coz got long hair.. (the lon hair turned out to be some rope hanging from the hat).. then he reminded me of chee wee.. then i look closer.. he quite cute looking.. (bowen guy not chee wee.. :p.. but chee wee quite cute looking too lah.. hahaz..).. then its like.. he was quite ok at first.. then he dropped the baton!! WTF!! and we counted 3 times.. then later.. he started shaking his butt(?) lor.. then its like.. he did alot of other stuff too.. wah lao.. if he didnt drop his baton.. he would have stood a really good chance of winnning drum major of the yr.. im so sorry..

later.. bowen sec pple crying.. then the crum major.. was like.. so sad lor.. manz.. i felt like goin over to give him a hug.. (but thot otherwise.. later he think i pervert hahaz.. )

haiz.. tts abt it.. the rest i lazy to write.. but if u wanna know.. i'll be willing to tell u.. hahaz..

ok..

2004-07-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

did one headpiece today.. the clothes hanger one.. it look really cool.. manz.. so satisfying.. hahaz.. that means 2 more to go.. hm..

and 3 more costumes to finish.. but at least finished one headpiece.. *grin*..

i did my maths story in 2 nites.. its basically this story of little red riding hood saving her grandma from the big bad wolf.. and then on the way there are obstacles.. maths questions lah.. then its like goosebumps.. muz flip here flip there one.. but then.. the level of hardness if the story is for pri. sch kids lor.. so.. yeah.. hahaz.. then the pics are all in collage.. :p..

then tt time present finish liao.. mdm chang say it very good.. then tt is wad she wants.. i so damn happy lor.. hahaz.. :p..

then today vote for the top 3 pieces to represent the class.. then my piece got 21/40 votes.. hahaz.. so so happy.. :P:P..

hahaz.. i sound so how lian (or show-off as justin would say it.. hahaz...) .. :P:P..

oh yeah.. i called the handphone no.. the one i made bold in an entry some days ago.. the ad i saw on tv is looking for pple to learn to dance.. then later got competition.. then the winnier would dance with william hung at his concert here.. then the fee is $150 a month.. one lesson a week.. so dumb right? hahaz.. anyone can dance like william hung.. (no offense!)

then got another one is looking for students.. got 3 categories.. got 6-9.. 10-16.. 16+.. then they are training pple to host.. dance.. sing.. and act.. yeah lor.. its $200 a month.. one lesson a week.. hahaz.. i rather go for this one then the william hung one.. but mum dun let.. haiz..

manz..

2004-06-29T23:14:00.000+08:00

im still writing down my h/w.. still doin it at home.. trying to finish everything on time.. the a maths textbook homework got a question dunno.. tml morning will ask someone how to do.. the rest all i know.. doin maths story.. doing alone coz didnt bother to look for group then.. manz.. kinda hard work coz mine is like some kind of mini novel.. then got a lot of pages.. then i drawing pictures in it too.. hahaz.. dun care if too long.. its looking quite nice liao.. manz.. i hate it when they give stuff like this.. make me wanna make my work the best looking one.. damn..

still trying to cope with my new life.. feeling kinda tried.. ok.. really tired.. but im contented with my "new life" and feel wuite happy.. juz a bit lonely in class and stuff.. hm.. yeah.. but tts ok.. got my black notebook can liao.. :D..

im still going for art.. thinking of taking art as private candidate for o-levels.. but scared tt i'll not be up to standard then.. yeah.. ms ng also said tt my standard of doodling and drawings are only up to the enjoyment standard.. not the exam standard.. smth liddat.. manz.. tts sucks.. hahaz..

but she says tt its nice.. :p.. at least someone appreciates my art.. ok.. like everyone else aint saying the same thing but its like from her.. its smth bigger.. ok.. nvm.. u muz be thinking tt im some sick freak who idolises ms ng.. hahaz.. maybe the sick freak part but defintely not the ms ng part.. *wink*

heard tt there's some major blackout in singapore now.. hm.. i always never kena blackout one.. so sad.. hahaz.. ok.. nvm..

i thinking of creating a band.. again.. got a couple of song ready liao.. juz need a band to play it with.. yeah i know.. i ask a lot of time liao.. but none of u wanna commit a couple of hours a week in the band.. so yeah.. if u interested.. those who know tag my board.. those hu dont email me.. kk? :D

manz..

2004-06-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

today's the first day of sch.. its okay i guess.. i filed up my stuff.. did most of my holiday homework.. felt good.. not the usual freak who's fraid of meeting any teacher coz fraid didnt do homework..

went to JP with vithya.. watched "around the world in 80 days".. its a good movie pple.. go catch it.. b4 tt.. i bought a ring.. a plain one.. the sales assistant was like asking, "buying for ur bf argh?".. manz.. juz wondering how would it be like to have a bf.. hahaz.. but then again.. its me im toking abt so forget it..

reached home almost 7pm.. did math h/w qn 1.. did finished by 1st draft of tt maths story.. now searching about ASEAN aims for SS.. dun care about the UN one.. tml muz remember to bring chinese stuff.. and chem stuff.. then can do filing..

oh yeah.. u know tt channel U got this advertisement with william hung dancing in it.. i only say age 14- 30 then i faster copy down the number.. those interested call 90296526..

then i think it audition for a comedy? i dunno lah.. juz calling tml.. haiz.. tt time deb and me go for audition for channel i.. still dun have any news.. hm.. at least on my side dun have lah.. dunno abt deb.. hm..

haiz..

2004-06-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna live a life escaping facts.. i might as well admit tt im suicidal.. and probably depressed.. its a FACT..

2/3 2003 class gathering

2004-06-26T20:27:00.000+08:00

hm.. today went to west coast.. first go jp at arnd 12.30pm.. went to lib.. read a book about kids who lived on the streets.. i would have cried if i wasnt afriad of wad people would think of me if i did.. i took 1 1/2 hrs to finish the book.. quite cool.. dun even know wad the book title is..

after tt.. took a taxi to west coast.. then reach there.. dunno go where.. call sarah.. then i call sarah.. she say turn arnd.. we're right beside u.. then i was like.. turning.. then saw them lor.. then kinda paiseh.. then when i got there pple were laughing lor.. got haikal.. thomas.. david.. mr singh.. shasha.. lastrina.. sarah.. juitlian and vithya..

then we go climb the pyramid/spiderweb or smth.. then coz i friad of hieghts.. i quite reluctant to go up.. then i stay down lor.. (yeah lah i know i scaredy cat lah)..

then after tt go fly kite.. then quite fun lor.. after go to the 'beach'.. its was go damn dirty lor.. got a car plate no. floating in the water.. then got drink cans.. plastic bags.. plastic bottles.. Bonjour bread plastic bag.. manz.. it was very dirty lor.. i felt like goin there and pick up all the litter.. but too lazy too.. hahaz..

then we go mcdonald.. juit lian went off.. at mcdonalds.. i got a coke float.. then the ice cream was damn soft.. but in coke ok lah.. then after tt.. time to go home but vit had to change her outfit.. so shasha las and me went to this climbing thing.. then its like.. the kids climb until so easy.. then when we climb.. we will swing to one side lor.. then damn funny.. we kept on lauhging.. finally las got up.. but didnt know how to come down.. then me and shasha kept on laughing.. hahaz.. manz.. at least i climbed 3-4 notches.. hahaz..

then sat in sarah's dad's lorry/truck.. so cool.. hahaz.. then got the wind blowing in ur face lor.. hahaz.. haiz..

then went home lor.. then i type this lor.. so today quite a cool day..

haiz..

2004-06-24T19:10:00.000+08:00

the holidays are almost over. i have decided to use PROPER english when writing blog entries. ok. maybe not.. haiz..

like i said.. the holidays are almost over.. but i still havent done anything seriously good to improve my studies.. manz.. i'll come back later.. still have 2 projects to do and i will still need to use the computer later.. so see you later..

thinking

2004-06-23T11:38:00.000+08:00

hm.. i thinking of going back to my pri sch to help out with the choir.. hahaz.. then it'll be so cool.. coz my sch choir now like shit liddat.. hm.. thinking of going back to help them.. if can pull their SYF bronze to a gold one.. hope lah.. that means i have to study harder and get better grades.. so that my mom would let me go down and help..

so from now i.. i will strive for at least a C5 in all my subs.. (i know very bad.. but i got some failing subs so at least all get C5 first.. haiz.. dont even know wad i doing in 3/1..)..

i will and MUST pay attention in class.. will and MUST finish ALL my homework ON TIME.. and pass them up ON TIME too.. don't get into trouble with the teacher no matter how much i dislike him.. take down all the homework or assignments that need to be done..

go home.. muz at least look or revise through wad was taught that day.. then finish up the homework.. if dunno or dun understand.. MUST ask.. MUZ put aside my pride and ASK..

muz change and strive for better result.. toking alone is not enuff.. muz move and do smth about it..

when i wanna stay back in sch and do nth.. i muz resist the temptation and go home to study.. not slack around.. if i wanna go out.. i hafta be sure that when i reach home.. i will have enuff time to finish my hmwk.. and revise too..

ok..

enuff toking..

gtg and do some revising and catching up..

mr toh..

2004-06-22T22:28:00.000+08:00

ok.. im finally gonna talk about mr toh.. hm.. well.. lets start from when i first saw him..

that was last year.. when mr kwei's choirs were like gathering at siglap south cc to practice for genting competition.. then it was like the TK pple were kinda.. colourful? got pple wear home clothes.. then got die hair one.. then their conductor came along.. hahaz.. look like ah-beng or smth.. then like.. hm.. ok.. lets see what he can do lor..

then he conduct the TK pple.. (didnt really notice him much.. was too busy watching marcus.. hahaz.. then got that brilliant song "Ondeh Ondeh'.. really loved it.. hahaz.. it was so cool..)..

then mr toh came to teach/conduct us this yr.. helping us for our concert.. then the first day he came.. i remember tt he made quite a number of funny remarks.. then always got pple laughing.. then he was learning pple's names.. the commitee.. stuff liddat..

then fast forward this these two months.. during the hols.. i skipped a couple of practices.. sorry to say.. that one of the reasons was that i didnt want to go.. choir didnt have tt appeal it had for me last yr.. i dunno.. juz felt that i wasnt that important anymore in choir.. i mean like.. there were better singers like deb and jl.. the choir wouldnt really make a diff with or without me..

i only joined choir in sec2.. i feel that.. with only one yr and 6 mnths training.. i should be sounding like the sec2s.. no offense.. but when i sound like the sec2s.. airy and stuff.. pple criticise me.. i dunno.. i feel that the sec3s now have more experience then me.. shoudnlt they sound better then me.. its was because of the pple's supposed expectations and criticism which made me strive to be better.. be someone like debbie.. so now.. i feel that at least i have a sec3 standard.. not simple at all.. and when i become airy.. i get frustrated.. when i cant reach the high notes.. i wonder.. how come debbie and juitlian and jane can reach it.. y cant i?

then i'll start feeling useless.. manz.. it really sucks..

another reason is my failing results.. and my parents displeasure in my overly committing spirit to choir.. manz..

ok.. sorry.. back to mr toh..

then there was this once.. i didnt come.. kathleen help me say tt i was sick.. jl said tt i had sore throat.. so.. then i was like.. yeah.. ok.. im sick.. then later kathleen told me that mr toh sort of broke down and was like telling the choir how he wants the choir to stand together.. all tt stuff.. then he sang that 'can u hear me' song.. manz.. when i come for choir.. nth happens.. when i dont.. something bigs always happens.. (like the sectionals i didnt turn up.. everyone seemed to be in a bad mood.. then this thing.. the mr toh one.. manz.. )

then the next practice i went.. mr toh out of the blue asked me.. r u feeling better? took me a while to remember that i was sick.. and i was like going.. er.. yeah.. manz.. i felt so so so god-damn guilty lor.. i was like.. wad the hell.. y did u believe that i was sick??? y muz u care?? manz.. sorry mr toh..

haiz.. then tt time he gave sara, deb and me a ride to siglap south cc from meridian jc.. he was so cool.. honestly.. tts all im saying.. its was cool.. hahaz.. manz.. then when i finally started thinking.. hey.. mr toh's a great guy.. he leaving us.. manz.. haiz..

sorry.. dunno wad im driving at.. juz felt like writing an entry 'bout him.. so.. i did.. actually by right i wasnt ABOUT him.. it was mostly about wad i felt about him and wad are the memories about him.. but wad the heck..

so juz wanna say.. mr toh.. u rock.. u really do.. im not saying it for the sake of saying it u know.. take care and have faith in wadever u do.. and sorry for the times that i might have said or done things tha have hurt u.. sorry..

hm..

2004-06-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

came across this poem.. its done by some Canadian teenager.. i think..

I'm crying over nothing
And my tears won't stop
I'm gonna need a bucket and a mop
I told you I loved you
But i guess you think it wasn't true
I told you I needed you hear
But you had to much fear
you told me you get second thoughts
about us
everytime we talked
but then you turned and walked
Through saddness and tears
And liking you for years
I finally have the faith to confront my fears
The moon shines bright
on this cold bitter night
wishing I could be with you
cause I love you so true
I beleive in your doings
I fix your mistakes
I'm gonna get you
no matter how long it takes

man.. its really good..

..

2004-06-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

shit.. im in deep shit..

h***z smsed back yesterday asking how old was my bf and wad he was working as.. i said same age and student.. then he said..

Thanks. Due to the vocation i haf in the army, i haf no choice but to report any threat i get due to hi con.

then i was like going.. wad the fuck? wad the hell that means? then i realised.. holy shit.. i got haikal into deep shit too.. then i called him.. and he's like in malaysia now.. and he was like.. holy shit too.. then i was like smsing that god-damn hafiz (and i was censoring ur god-damn name for u!! now i dun give a shit!!!!) and asking him wad it means.. saying tt im sorry.. and bloody stuff liddat.. but he didnt reply.. damn him.. im quitting consort.. damn.. dun wanna have any thing associated to that god-damn mother-fucking loser..

problem solved

2004-06-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

haikal.. u rock.. hm.. he sent a message to h***z saying tt he was my bf and tt he wanted him to stop smsing me.. and tt if he smsed back to me he would die.. this is wad h***z smsed back..

juz wanna say tat u shud haf told me tat u dun wan me to msg u. i would have listened n nt do it tat way.. i respect ur bf hence this is my last msg. not that im afraid..

hahaz.. that finally got him off my back..

..

2004-06-19T16:09:00.000+08:00

PARENTAL

ADVISORY

KATHY CONTAINS
EXPLICIT LYRICS

From Go-Quiz.com

hahaz...

2004-06-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

How to make a Kathy Li

Ingredients:

1 part intelligence

1 part humour

5 parts

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

manz..

2004-06-12T13:36:00.000+08:00

i totally cant believe it.. juz now i on my hp.. then u know what i got? i got 34 missed calls.. all from h***z.. oh my god.. 34 + 40.. i had 70+ phone calls from him juz YESTERDAY.. *applaud* i applaud for ur effort..

ok.. i did it..

2004-06-12T10:30:00.000+08:00

h***z called me nearly 40 times ysterday.. then i sent him a very long email.. a summary of what i wrote would be that the reasons why i dont wanna contact him.. and stuff liddat.. heres the reply he gave..

hi gd evening!

glad to hear frm u...firstly its nt tat im ashame tat u r my friend o wat.jus tat i dun wan ppl to start toking bout me etting to knw u o wat....i dun mind ppl know bt mebbie as we ascimmilate into them?so as nt to make it abrubt?ndly i dun mind we go out in a gropu bt i do need time to knw who we r going wif...i cant possibly kip quiet o jus tok to u when we r out in a grp its nt too nice rite?finally...yepp mebbi u nid time if u ever nid to trust me...its nt wise to trust starngers?hehe dun blame u besides i came frm like the other part of singapore n know u onli thru choir..u haf every reason nt to simply trust me o ani other guy...wun be calling u unlesstheres a need to urgently since u dun like it..sorry for the miss calls n for disrturbing u.i knw tat when i call once o twice u r slping o bz.sorry again for bothering u...if we ever tok again,i will be glad enuf to converse wif u...if nt its ok...i respect ur decision no worries..wun be cold towards u...jus bear in mind im nt ashame to haf u as my frewn.

lotsa respect,
H***z

PS:
jus glad tat u told me tat u dun like me calling u...hehe at least i wun make a fool out of myself...
take care n frm nw onwards i shalll jus smile if we mit?{smile speaks a thousand words} haha!kidding n if u wanna make knw to ppl tat if we frens go ahead....if tats the 1st step to sort of making trust?wan an

hahaz..

2004-06-12T10:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday.. went shooping with dad after choir at IMM.. then near the bread section.. saw some jurongville guys.. then got tt cute counsillor.. hahaz.. tt cute counsillor helped us sell our carnival tix tt time we go his sch to sell.. hm.. :p..

damnit..

2004-06-11T15:49:00.000+08:00

damn.. i got this guy who i think likes me.. then its like.. at first i thot he ok lor.. quite sweet.. but then its like.. he very the insecure lor.. always ask whether im angry or not.. then its like.. lately.. he always wants to tok on the phone.. then its like.. when i dun pick up the phone or im away from the phone.. he'll say smth like u dun wanna tok to me.. when i toking to another fren.. a close fren of mine.. hus a guy.. he would say.. wah lao y u tok to him dun tok to me one..

its like wad the fuck lor.. im close frens with him.. and i barely know him for 2 months.. and he like dat liao.. wad the fuck lor.. then this morning.. from 0000 to 0100.. i had 19 missed calls.. how pro.. pls applaud.. wah lao.. like he damn despo lor.. then when i eventually pick up the phone.. he would ask me y i nv pick up the phone.. then i wadever i say.. he would say dun wana tok to me issit.. wah lao.. then its like so wad the fuck lor..

then during choir.. he sent me an sms.. this is how it goes..

Every life in this world is painted by god's own hands.That's why I am grateful because as he painted my life he included one lovely colour, and that's you.

like i said.. he can be pretty sweet.. but its like.. he damn sucky lor.. and this the punishment for being nice to him?! wad the hell lor.. damn him.. now i scared to pick up the phone.. coz my hp no caller ID.. then i dunno who call.. so i juz pick up.. if its his voice.. then i juz keep quiet for a while and then hang up..

then its like.. after our jubilate performance.. the last day one.. JL's dad gave me a lift back.. then on the way back.. he called me.. then he was like asking me where i was.. then i was like saying on JL's dad's car.. then he say why i go so fast.. coz he wanted to send me back.. (wad the fuck.. and find where i live?? NO WAY!!).. then he said tt he wanted to tell me tt.. but he forgot(what a looooooser..).. then he said when he wanted to ask.. either he couldnt find me.. or i was with Db they all.. then i say why u scared to tell me in front of them.. he said that he was afraid to let pple know..

wad the fuck man.. such a big fat coward lor.. its not say like he like me right? juz wanna ask me whether he can send me home right? no other motives or intentions right? then y he so scared? y he dun wan other pple to know?

NH and Nic and a lot of other pple all say tt this guy is up to no good lor.. i mean like.. he wants to go out with me alone.. when i suggest group gatering first.. he doesnt want.. wad the fuck lor.. when i wanna know hu his friends are.. he became all wimpy and whiny.. say wad u really wanna know them? sob sob.. really argh? sob sob.. wad the fuck lor.. dun want me to know them then tell me lah.. dun need to act all pathetic.. *shudders*

its like.. juz today including this mornings phone calls.. he called me around 34 times liao.. its so sickening lor.. damn fucking freaky.. manz.. i feel like smacking him hard.. wah lao.. my life doesnt revolve around him.. as though without him i dun have a life.. wah lao.. 34 phone calls.. as though i got nth better to do then to tok to him.. tell him to get a life manz..

damn fucking h***z..

...

2004-06-10T10:40:00.000+08:00

Gothador - Devilishly Good Fun! Play online now for free!

hm.. (5)

2004-06-09T14:33:00.000+08:00

You're Element is Water. You are soft and serene at
most times but like Wind, you're scary when
you're mad. You proabaly have a talent is
singing and even your speaking voice is lovely.
You have an innocent type of beauty that makes
you look younger than you are and you like
close relationships with people.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

hm.. (4)

2004-06-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

hm.. (3)

2004-06-09T14:19:00.000+08:00

borderline

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

hm.. (2)

2004-06-09T14:07:00.000+08:00

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

hm.. again..

2004-06-09T14:02:00.000+08:00

Maki -

What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla

hm..

2004-06-09T13:59:00.000+08:00

img src="http://images.quizilla.com/E/EerieFreek/1061477685_opGAME-BOY.JPG" border="0" alt="GAME BOY - Born to Play">
A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven
albums.

Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.

Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.

Your Personality type is the only type that would
like this cool online gothic Game:

www.life-blood.vze.com

What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahaz.. im a guy..

2004-06-09T13:44:00.000+08:00

Your a guy

What is your gender?
brought to you by Quizilla

hm.. not surprising huh? *grins*

thoughts..

2004-06-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

hm.. i realised that my view of css choir is always changing.. and im always discovering new things.. or should i say.. re-discover? hm..

manz.. i think im mostly to blame.. i joined a yr late.. so.. yeah.. couldnt really fit in.. then started hanging arnd sec 1s then.. hm.. but i realised that i had to have at few a couple of friends from my own batch.. frens which i can hang out with.. hm.. i have jane, mel, renuka.. i dont even know whether some pple i treat as frens treat me as frens.. i dunno.. hm..

oh yeah.. i think i got sort of this long story of y tkss and css are like.. rivals.. i think it started all the way back when there was this time when tkss got a gold in SYF.. and css only got a silver.. then somehow someone started a rumour saying tt the tkss were like.. hm.. looking down on css or smth.. then that was when things became sour.. then so happen they went to hawaii together.. then the tension was very high.. hm.. then another time they went to bangkok together.. then kena food poisoning together.. then got this tkss guy who vommitted on the stage.. then it was in the news in singapore.. hahaz.. then got some css boys took advantage of the situation adn made fun of the boys.. hm..

got tt from hafiz.. *grin*

anyway.. i do recall got some senior who said tt tkss and css relationship was quite good.. during the bangkok time or smth.. hm.. *shrugs*

also.. i would like to get this/these thing(s) clear.. i dont HATE choir.. neither did i add justinian into a conversation with mr toh and then started complaining/bad-mouthing choir.. and made mr toh heartbroken then or smth.. like i said.. i dont HATE choir.. i have an average neutral feeling abt choir.. smths i love it.. smtimes i dun.. i joined choir b coz i loved singing.. not b coz of any other reasons.. i choose choir over drama b coz i loved singing more than acting.. b coz i felt that i could sing loudly anywhere and not feel ashamed abt it.. but not with acting..

its juz the feeling of seeing choir going down.. and not being able to do anything abt it.. that makes me feel sucky.. i feel useless.. i dunno.. i feel that in choir.. within sections.. we should be helping each other.. regardless how old u are.. correcting other pple's mistake nicely..(as in in a nice manner)..

i feel tt there should be this learning spirit within the choir.. like.. going after a trainer and asking whether is there any way of improving oneself.. i dunno..

haiz..

choir..

2004-06-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

today went for choir.. my sunday one.. the vocal consort one.. quite ok lah.. i finally know my part.. pathetic right? hahaz.. was like putting the more difficult ones into my melody composer and played it over and over and over again.. but although i sound damn wierd on its own.. it sounded really good with the other sections.. man.. i hope my voice becomes better.. couldnt reach the higher notes lately.. manz.. damn..

hm.. today i made my lunch.. *surprise surprise*.. my dad was having lunch with his students.. and also because he was having class.. so yeah.. so i looked through the cookbook.. then found this macoroni and cheese.. then followed it.. and modified.. and after it.. it tasted like it came out of a box.. man.. i rock.. hahaz..

hm.. realised tt im really out of the vocal consort.. its like.. i dun have a 'friend' of my own age-group.. for example.. juit lian has debbie.. debbie has thoedore.. sara has marcus and evelyn.. marcus has thoedore.. yeah.. they also have frens of different age-group.. but at least they are together.. manz.. i feel akward in the choir.. yeah.. at least i have priscilla.. but the age group is really great.. hm.. manz.. y am i in S2? hm.. i realised that i dont know how to mix.. i mean.. you pple out who know me.. probably wont belive it.. but when i meet new pple.. i tend to become really shy..

i mean like.. i'm usually afriad to do anything.. or be myself when i juz know someone.. b coz i'm scared that this perosn wont like me smth.. i dont know.. hm.. and the thing is that i dont go up to people and try to be friends with them.. (ok.. i do.. but here its a different case).. i mean like in vocal consort.. all they talk about.. is.. music? hm.. ok.. i love music.. but i dont talk about music.. hm.. maybe simply b coz im a loner or smth.. hm..

hm.. damn..

2004-06-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

today skipped choir again.. but today its b coz i was last min roped-in to joing this general knowledge quiz.. then very pathetic lor.. only 2 schs.. us and shuqun sec... pathetic right? then the more pathetic thing is tt i go there.. be reserve.. then do nth..(apart maybe prompting the ones upfront on one of the chinese zosdiac which they couldnt think of.. which was the goat..)..

haiz.. my mum coming back from china on the 12th june.. at first she say end of the month.. haiz.. then next week packed like shit liddat.. no time to have the wild parties i had wanted to hold.. manz.. haiz..

finally..

2004-06-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

haiz.. finally completed my blog.. but will make some more changes.. hm.. thnx to those hu helped me.. *grin*.. especially xiao kat.. haiz.. well.. i'd betta make this place more homey.. ciao..

juz smth..

2004-06-03T11:50:00.000+08:00

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hm..

2004-06-03T11:39:00.000+08:00

hm.. didnt go for choir today.. didnt feel like going.. i dunno.. juz feel bad in choir.. indescribable feeling..